The Common Man’s approach to CFB, brought to you by the most normal person on any team.
First things first, peak behind the Oz curtain (spoilers lol), it’s 10:00pm yesterday. I love y’all ‘n’all, but we’re using strictly parentheticals and visual memes for this installment of your favorite Tuesday post written by me (except staples, I love that George Clooney gif). I’ll make you click more hyperlinks and have the article take FOREVER to load next week (thanks gifs sizes), because you’ll deserve it after Tech doesn’t cover -28.5 in our first ever game against the MAC (spoilers Jake Grant’s HTS 2018; Bowling Green preview).
Second things second, I’m not conceited. The byline is a Suits reference, as I’m watching Season 7 at the moment, keeping myself between the two camps fans of Suits find themselves in. Not Harvey vs Mike. Not Harvey vs. Louis. Not Jessica vs. Daniel. I’m talking Rachel vs. Donna.
I won’t go into specifics here, instead, log into the Amazon Prime account I know you pay Amazon like $14.34/month to not use, and watch this USA Original Series. There’s 8 seasons, 7 of which are free with your Prime membership. Go back 10 years and try buying all the box set dvd’s? That’s an easy $150. So thank past you for getting you to this point in present you’s life, and tell future you that that Daniel Kahneman book that’s been sitting on your nightstand for the past year and a half will have to wait. There’s corporations to litigate, and enough cinematic references to make my own head spin and chuckles simultaneously. For some reason I’m picturing that Chuckie doll that people do the side-by-side with Gruden for.
With our first’s and second’s covered, onto third’s!
- Kentucky - Huh? Chris Berman voice. #17 in the nation. More on this to come
- HEAVY buy on the Stanford/ND game. Will there be an O/U of 35 points scored? Will it be a better game than Ohio State in a whiteout in Happy Valley? Maybe, as long as the tOSU game is a blowout. Otherwise, I’d bet this has a chance to be more of a game come the 4th quarter.
- Don’ look now, but they’s a man standin’ ova ther in tha parkin lot who mih wan ta get you n a Humma.
Is he a Division 1 football coach, yea, but in his heart of hearts, he’s a salesman. His football team is #5 in the AP Poll.
Things I Think I Know
- Bryce Love is no longer on your Heisman ballot. I know he’s a good running back, but I was impressed with his work in the classroom actually during the feature they showed of him on Saturday. You know who’s gonna win it. Tua.
- Never bet a 4 score spread against an option team. There was a good sbnation dot com article that chronicled their historical successes as a heavy underdoggo. It was pretty good. I used that knowledge to profit off Army almost pulling off a Russian webcam upset in a pay-per-view only showing of Norman, OK. I expect them to turn around and blow the doors off of Baylor this week. And look for Buffalo to cover as well against Army while we’re at it. (I was 5-5 last week ATS after spending the previous 3 weeks in 4-6 hell. Failing upwards.)
- Clifford Kingsberry won’t get fired this year. Hot seat sold at a Lubbock yard sale. Lol it’s at some other TTU fan’s house cus they’re like 300 miles from the nearest team routinely on their schedule. Don’t believe me? Go look up where Lubbock is.
(little throwback for the A1’s)
Let’s go with North Texas. They’re fun, and I’m pretty sure everyone above them has at least one major character flaw.
Top 5 Top 5
- Bama - sorry, that’s just the way it is. Some things will never change.
- Clemson - being a fan of who was formally the third best team in the country, I can say Saturday shows you just how far ahead they are of the rest of the field.
- UCF - go watch this team. They play Pitt this weekend. If you’re a fan of football, they’re awesome to watch. If you’re a member of a certain secret society within the fanhood, you’ll see what you should be wishing for instead of some pro-style [bruce hornsby and the range, see above]. That’s all I’ll say. @NotCoachJohnson will be disappear those close to me otherwise.
- Ohio State - wonder what’ll change with their coach returning to the sidelines. Convenient this is the game he gets reinstated for.... Saturday night, ABC, live from Happy Valley.
- dLSU - that guy with the Hummer is back...
Still haven’t gotten back to the graphic design guys over @ShutdownFullcas and all of their great editing skills.
But we’re at this many RPM’s:
Does Tech need a Tee [Boston]?
Now that we’ve seemingly moved past not hitting touchbacks (thanks Shawn!), we can reinstate the post of the most beloved/necessary man on the field. Make it so, and if Bowling Green has one and we don’t, I’m gonna draft a strongly worded email to anyone who will listen.
Kenny Trill Heisman of the Week (KTHotW)
Do your Civic Duty my fellow Americans. VOTE!
Your Kenny Trill Heisman of the Week
This poll is closed
Dillon Mitchell - WR - Oregon - 14 rec , 239 yds, 0 TD in a loss vs. Stanford
J.J. Taylor - RB - Zona - 27 car , 284 yds, 2 TD in a W against Oregon State
Week 3 is revisionist history-ally (again, go listen to that [stevie nicks] awarded to the combo of Alan Bowman and Antoine Wesley QB/WR from Texas Tech. 605 passing and 5 TD’s for the king of country music, and a 20 yard/reception average on 13 catches for his #1 target. Congrats fellas,,
Tin Horn Team of the Week
Scott Frost is just building, Scott Frost is just building, it’s just like Cold Case Files. But less than 100 yards each rushing and passing is a bad look. Especially against Harbaugh and Co., who will finish 3rd in the East.
(Eaux)de to the O update of the week
THAT SHUTOUT OF SE LA MEANT SOMETHING. THA COACH O WENT INTA THA PLAINS AND WHUPPED UP ON THEM BOYZ. In the words of @ShutdownFullcas in their Week 3 Review episode [____ ____].
ON TA OLE MISS IN THE VALLE AH DEATH. BRING EM ON JOHN MARK. YOU AIN’T INTER-, YOU AIN’T INTER-, MIDDLE COACHED THEM BOYZ LIKE I DID.
Ole Miss - 18 , Your #5 LSU Bayou Bengals - 26
The More You Know
Two’fer. Go find a way to watch 30 Rock. That’s unrelated to the articles posted below:
Prop Bet of the Week
(Crees sigh) uuuuuhghhhhhhghghghhgggggghhhhhhhhhhh
That Pitt beat really blew up on me.
This week, the prop bet of the week will be something fun, which I personally would like to see. The number of rushing yards from the combo of Tobias Oliver and Jerry Howard (158 yards), combined (or parlayed for you true sportsmen) with the receiving yards for Clinton/Qua (81 yards). Do you feel lucky?
The fire emojis will never work... this is the last appearance of this segment. Died of a broken heart.
As always, thanks for reading, and hopefully next week I’ll be bringing you all the column at its normal time, preferably on Monday, preferably in the morning. Just like the doctor ordered.