The Common Man’s approach to CFB, brought to you by the most normal person on any team.
While in the last installment of this meritocracy, I promised gifs on gifs on gifs, just like YG did with money in the 2011 hit single, Racks. But unlike YG, I am not “smokin on a thousand dollars worth of strong”. I am not bringing the noise to the extent to which I wish to be. That’s a struggle I must deal with, internalize, and never speak again to anyone.
So...? How was everyone’s weekend? I got to watch 30 minutes of the Tech game (15 at the beginning, then right before the half, then the last 2 minutes). Then Saturday, guess what I got to watch? uga-vandy with all the fervor that you would have thought it was the freaking national championship. Every run that didn’t go immediately into the line of scrimmage was met with exclamations that were seemingly all focused directly down my ear canal. I don’t know what I expected marrying into a family of fans not of Atlanta’s True Sports Team. We had the Ol’ Family BBQ this weekend, so I was out of my viewing element for what seems like the 8th week this season. I know, there’s only been 6 weeks. You haven’t had the blur of pre-wedding extracurricular activities that I’ve had this Fall.
We’re here to talk about football I reckon. “O Leh Do It” - The 46th President of The United States
We’re skipping Quick Hitters, Things I Think I Know, TARVTSABR, Tech-ometer, and Top 5 Top 5 in favor of some long form, free-flowing thought, Steven Godfrey-esque ranting on the state of Chalk in our great amateur status-ed nation.
Here goes something related to journalism, or at least my attempt at it.
Long Form on Our Livelihoods
(The Bravo spinoff of Days of Our Lives)
So we sit here on Tuesday night, October 9th. The Heisman is revealed in like 60 days. The playoffs are revealed 54 days from now (ish). Arkansas State and App State have seen the Gator make its way onto the field like 5 times, and Arkansas State’s punter is just as jacked as former Tech kicker/A-back Roberto Hinojosa.
The talking heads however, would tell you that there’s no point in watching the rest of the season. FiveThirtyEight, ESPN’s other stats nerds headquarters, have their prediction model in place for the rest of the season, and it basically prohibits you from putting any team in the playoff outside of the Chalk. The five teams left running at this point are Alabama (with two starting QBs content to do the Joe Flacco-Lamar Jackson thing the right way), Ohio State, Clemson, georgia, and Notre Dame. Put anybody else in, and you’re a [dire straits] fool. The other 124 FBS teams are left to try and beat out our yearly win totals. Nothing else to play for.
UCF wins out? They have a 12 percent chance to make the playoff. Only nine other teams in the model have greater than a .99 percent chance to win the College Football Playoff. Four of those nine have exactly a one percent chance (Texas, Miami, Florida, Wisconsin). Washington is the highest of that bunch with a resounding four percent. If you’re the average fan, not employed by the people that own the Playoff, you have to think to yourself, “What’s the point of the regular season...?”
The jaded side of me just says that it’s just for money. But there’s a part deep down that wishes there was a way into the Playoff if you weren’t a part of the oligarchy. That a UCF team, who would then have 23 straight wins, wouldn’t be considered for the playoff. Or a truly good team that won the Big 12 after playing EVERY TEAM IN THEIR CONFERENCE, then playing the other best team AGAIN, would actually get considered. Why can’t that happen? Because we made a deal with Notre Dame 50 years ago that if they were good good, like for reals good, they automatically get in to whatever they want so they can keep their TV deal with NBC and choose to play whoever they want. Or better yet, because a “really deserving”, “blue blood”, “powerhouse”, “week-in and week-out grinder”, SECOND PLACE TEAM from the $EC just HAS to be in the playoff. I understand that the BCS system was inherently flawed. But in a lot of ways, it gave us some semblance of hope that the CFP just tore from the rib cage of the sport.
2014 was a magical season on the Flats (apart from the Duke game on Fall Break and UNCheat). With each week of reeling off wins, we saw ourselves climb higher and higher in the rankings. But that top shelf was never really in reach. Even if we had beaten F$U, we wouldn’t have made the playoff. We had the most efficient offense in the history of modern college football. It wouldn’t have mattered, because we had those two losses. Now we wouldn’t have made the BCS Championship either, but we would’ve at least decided our own fate in a game against a team better than the second-best SEC team that season, who wouldn’t have been playing in the Orange Bowl period.
There’s a path forward here that allows everyone to regain that hope. Expand the playoffs. Here isn’t the right time for that talk, but it’s a talk we need to have at some point. Because we can all pretend like we give a [doors] about undefeated Colorado, speculate over Oklahoma’s path back to the Top 4, or wonder if Oregon has what it takes to make that next step. But until the Chalk decides they don’t want to be there, you’re going to get the same playoff teams all decked out in Nike gear year in and year out. Clemson, Bama, Ohio State, and either Oklahoma/Washington/second SEC team/second B1G team. This is your playoff. Get used to it. Unless of course Notre Dame really is who we thought they were (after switching to Ian Book).
It’s a crappy realization to stumble across, and you tell yourself that you won’t watch that same playoff grouping, but we all know that’s not true.
See you for Clemson-Bama Part 4 in 81 days.
Sheesh. Now that we got that out of our systems...
Does Tech Need a Tee [Boston]?
I was told by eyes on the ground that we had a tee boy. I need at least three other sources to confirm an interview with this man. Make it happen interwebs.
Kenny Trill Heisman of the Week
Week 5 winner - Gonna go ahead and call my shot here. Kyler Murray - QB Oklahoma
Not only did they torch Baylor (big fan of Matt Rhule’s Year 0 Part 2 that’s sort of happening), but check out Murray’s stat line. 17/21 with 432 yards. 6 touchdowns. 0 picks. 348 Passer Rating. That’s 135 points higher than the next guy on the list from Week 5. Have yourself a day sir, but sorry, you won’t be winning the real thing come December. This is your curtain.
Week 6 winner - Jordan Cronkite — RB USF
Rushed for over 300 yards? Automatic qualification. No picture because you beat us in a game in which our offense played good minus turnovers, but our defense played like a poo poo platter.
Tin Horn Team of the Week
hahahahahahahahaha they got mad cus we won’t stop rubbing it in.
MAD ONLINE, THE WORST KIND OF MAD. I WANT TO BE EMPATHETIC, BUT AT SOME POINT YOU LOOK YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR AND SAY YOU’RE AN IDIOT SANDWICH FOR BEING OFFENDED SO EASILY. YOUR ARTICLE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE COMMENTS YOU’RE SO TRIGGERED BY THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS THAT WILL COME INTO YOUR NEWLY NAMED FIELD AND LAY WASTE TO YOUR EVERYTHING. IF YOU HAD ANYTHING SOLID (literal physical property of matter) WORTH STEALING, IT’D BE OURS BY NOW. AND HEAVEN FORBID YOU TRY TO GET AWAY ON FOOT, BECAUSE WE’D BE LIKE OL’ RED BEFORE HE MET THAT LADY DOG IN THAT BLAKE SHELTON SONG.
I’m gonna name my kid Bobby Petrino so I’ll always have warm feelings when I see him taking up time on my schedule. My new license plate number GT6631. New favorite pizza? Papa John’s. (@Dominos I’ll never leave you, this is all for the pageviews).
My point has been made. I might not have watched the game, but I sure watched the @GTBob posting of it.
(Eaux)de to the O
Sad Hold That Tiger! tweet.
Also, this is the most petty rivalry there is. Bar none. I also recently came into possession of this sweet [Alan Parsons] t-shirt, so I have officially claimed madness as my second team. Descend into darkness.
The More You Know
2’fer again this week to make up for the dreaded bye:
Fun stuff all around, passing more than twice a game.
Prop Bet of the Week
lol for the BGSU game, I was actually pretty close to reality in setting arbitrary lines. Maybe I should quit betting and just bookie instead.
The bets were:
Rushing yards for Tobias/Jerry - 158 yards. Actual - 144 yards
Receiving yards for Qua/Clinton - 81 yards. Actual 51 yards
Double Unders, but that’s about 1.4 broken tackles from swinging in the other way entirely.
This week, just beat Duke... Cover 2 points... pull the very minor S&P+ upset...
But for props - Duke season average of receiving yards per catch. O/U 12.4 yards. Bet away you little heathens. I’ve got the under, because there’s nothing like cheering for terrible football to ensure you hit a bet worth literally nothing.
As always, thanks for reading, and hopefully next week I’ll be bringing you all the column at its normal time, preferably on Monday, preferably in the morning. Just like the doctor ordered.