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Georgia Tech Football: Snarky Preview - U[sic]GA

Champions were never meant to be this boring

NCAA Football: Georgia Tech at Georgia
Nov 26, 2016; Athens, GA, USA; Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets offensive lineman Freddie Burden (58) and running back Dedrick Mills (26) react with handfuls of the Sanford Stadium hedges after defeating the Georgia Bulldogs at Sanford Stadium. Georgia Tech defeated Georgia 28-27. Mandatory Credit: Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports
Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports

Author’s note: yes I’m aware that this site’s long-running convention is to spell the enemy’s name a different way, but I’m an old Technique hand and was always partial to their convention, so I’m keeping it. That aside... to anyone who’s expressed any enjoyment from these previews this season, thank you for making these worth it to write.

Having locked up bowl eligibility for the first time in five years, the Jackets enter this weekend with a shot to follow it up by doing something that they haven’t done in six years—and haven’t done at home in 24 years.

Yeah, okay, it’s probably not happening. But we’re two years into U[sic]GA’s dystopian reign over college football—a reign that, perhaps not coincidentally, has coincided with the rapid devolution of the sport’s structural stability. We could use some kind of hope to carry us through what feel like they could be college football’s final years of relative normalcy.

Because their reign of terror has just been stupid. Nolan Smith shouted after the national championship game last season that “they” said U[sic]GA was gonna go 7-5. The team that entered the season ranked #1 after winning the previous year’s title, the team whose coach can push through laws in the Georgia state legislature overnight, the team that claimed to be our grand savior from Alabama while openly being the exact same thing with a white base coat... that team was so insecure that they needed everyone to *know* that they had doubters. Doubters who may or may not even exist.

They’re exhausting. They’re also traitors. The fact is, we never spend enough time dwelling on the fact that they’re pretty brazen British loyalists. Their English bulldog mascot is an impotent figurehead and the result of generations of inbreeding, and their marching band is called the Redcoats. Their entire program is one giant seditious conspiracy out in the open, all to promote the Crown at the expense of America.

Wherever you may go this weekend to visit family/friends or catch the game, travel safely. It’s not unlikely that in the time it took me to write this, U[sic]GA had three more players arrested for going 114 mph in a 45 zone. Unlike them, you and I don’t have a fixer on the team’s payroll to make that problem simply go away. So drive carefully.

After all, as U[sic]GA fans love to boast, they run this state. They aren’t wrong, of course. Between eternally terrible local and state governance and an atrociously bad Board of Regents for state universities, both of which are littered with U[sic]GA graduates[sic], they’ve been running the state of Georgia into the ground for years. To hell with ‘em all and that stupid cesspool of a town they call home.

As a parting gift, this year is the 10-year anniversary of Dawg Bite, the only good thing to come out of Athens in that timespan. It was announced as U[sic]GA’s new anthem at their 2013 spring game, and it gave us a new misspelling of “Dawgs” that confirmed that nobody in their own fanbase knows how to spell their own moniker.

Dawg Bite (embedding won’t work)

There seems little we can do in the face of oppression from the Daggs, but making sure everyone learns of the existence of this video is a little yet effective way to maintain the strength of our rebellion. As our old spiritual leader once said: we gon’ fight till we can’t fight no mo’.

The odds are long this Saturday, but Tech has been maybe the most chaotic team in the country this season. Even if there’s only a little hope, it’s still there. Here’s to keeping it alive.