Mailbag 1/15

Please name one thing (anything) stupider than an AD with some goober reading a beer bottle label.

Ben: A long list of things, I’m sure, but I’m just going to leave you with this story someone told me one time:

So there’s a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy and prosperous people. The second kingdom is a little more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power too. The third kingdom is struggling and poor. They barely even have an army.

The kingdoms inevitably go to war over control of the lake, as it’s a super valuable resource to have. The first kingdom sends 100 of their finest knights, clad in the best armor and each with their own personal squire. The second kingdom sends 50 of their own knights with fine leather armor and a few dozen squires of their own. The third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior well past his prime, along with his own personal squire.

The night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and make merry, partying into the late hours of the night. The knights of the second kingdom aren’t as well off, but they have their own supply of grog and also drink late into the night.

In the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and slings it over a branch of a tall tree, making a noose, from which he hangs a pot. He fills the pot with stew and enjoys a humble dinner with the elderly knight.

The next morning, the knights of the first two kingdoms are so hungover, they are unable to move, much less fight, and the knight of the third kingdom is old and weary, unable to get up. In place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight! It’s a glorious battle that lasts long into the night, but by the time the dust settles, one squire remains - the squire from the third kingdom.

So it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Jake: The Progressive Commercial Halftime Show. I’m biased, I’m a State Farm guy, but man, that thing is so dumb. Though, at the same time, the hops, water, barley, rice is kinda working on me. That label only being four ingredients, all of which I can pronounce easily, is kind of a selling point, I think.

Akshay: The end of season two of the Dr. Pepper “Fansville” ad series. It’s a narrow second to Game of Thrones S8 in the race for worst season-ending letdown (Atlanta sporting moments notwithstanding).

Andrew: All of the ACC Networks commercials that look like they are trying to fleece some old people out of money.

Way too early but how does our football team look against the rest of the ACC Coastal for this year?

Ben: I think Virginia will take a step back with Bryce Perkins graduating. UNC and Virginia Tech both look poised to take a step forward this season, but after those two, I think the Coastal is pretty up for grabs. If Georgia Tech can get some improved offensive line play and tighten up the defense and special teams, they’ll certainly be in the conversation.

Jake: Mind rite, book your hotel rooms in Charlotte. Actually though, it, as always, seems like anyone’s to lose, with North Carolina looking particularly strong out of the gate and Miami, well, not. That program seems more on the ropes than anyone gives it credit for. I’d love to make it three in a row over the Canes.

Andrew: I think UNC will be pretty good. VPISU looks to be decent. I am not super confident, but who knows.

Has Pastner saved his job for another year?

Ben: The last couple games have been a lot of fun, but I don’t think Pastner was getting fired at the end of the season, regardless.

Jake: Going 2-0 this week would go a long way towards quieting some of the chatter, but I don’t think he’s really safe, either. That said, his mantra has always been get old, stay old, and a lot of the prospects he’s been able to develop - Moses Wright being the first that come to mind - have really proven him right on that account. He obviously struck gold with the James Banks transfer, but Jordan Usher and Bubba Parham have looked good, too. I’m definitely more pleased now, personally, than I was after watching the Ball State...situation.

Akshay: Life Josh Pastner finds a way...

Andrew: We couldn’t afford to fire him this season anyway, IMO. I will wait to see how we close the season, but I think an over .500 ACC record is possible and would be amazing.

How excited are you about the new focus group tested name for the Braves’ stadium?

Ben: Excited? Not at all. Surprised? Also, not at all.

Jake: I feel like my opinion on this should be taken with the necessary Chicago-sized grain of salt, but I like the colors and the branding in general. The name is so boringly bland, though Nishant pointed out today that we did once have an MLB stadium LITERALLY called Cinergy Field, thanks, Cincinnati, so I guess it could always be worse. The name SunTrust didn’t feel quite so corporate, though perhaps it seemed to make more sense because it was the only name the ballpark had ever had before this. All in all, I give it one meh 3 on a scale from 1 to 10.

Akshay: 0 out of 10. While it was entirely expected, “Truist Park” is the worst name the Braves could have come up with. I understand that there’s $220 million over 22 years at play, but this was a great opportunity to tie back to the Braves’ history while still respecting the terms of the naming rights deal. I would have been ok with “Truist Field at Henry Aaron Park” or something of that ilk. Alas, we are beholden to the machinations of corporate America.