Tuesday Muse-day 9/17: Minimum Viable Product

I’m mad.

Game Recap in Three Sentences

UGH.

The Citadel racked up 320 rushing yards behind a well-oiled spread option offense that ate up 41:50 in possession time.

Tech managed to gain 301 total yards of offense with just 46 plays but couldn’t convert enough 3rd downs to actually stay on the field.

#404 Swag Champion of the Game

This segment is retired until winning matters more than hashtags.

Uniform Rating

2.6/3 stripes. The lone bright spot on Saturday, these were sick. I would particularly like to praise the helmets.

Photo by Rich von Biberstein/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

Above The Line of the Week

• Tobias Oliver. People were clamoring for him to start last year, people are clamoring for him to start this year, and he continues to show us why. All he does is put the team on his back and perform. God bless TO.
• Justin Fields. I cannot tell you how hilarious and incredible it would be if this dude won the Heisman and brought the Buckeyes to the Playoff.
• Vest weather. This may be just a Boston thing right now (sorry to the rest of the country), but I got to wear a vest to work on Friday and it was awesome. Fall is the best.

Stat of the Week

I mentioned it above, but 41:50 in possession time is absolutely absurd. I’ve checked everywhere and this is the highest of any game this week by far. I also looked up the all-time record: it was set by Air Force (shocker) a few years ago against Georgia State (lol) at 45:14. When you really think about it, The Citadel came pretty close to breaking that record. And they did so with FCS talent against a defensive-minded coach.

5 Star (7 Star, 5 Star) Developmental Program Haiku of the Week

Bulldogs good this year

Wait not that kind of Bulldog?

Life is so pointless

Minimum Viable Product

Over and over I’ve expressed my general feelings on the season outlook as “year zero is going to be hard and we shouldn’t expect anything more than a few wins and some glimpses”. Well, turns out I wasn’t specific enough. I apparently should have included the caveat that I absolutely expected us to beat a bad FCS team that we were projected to demolish by FOUR SCORES. I don’t know what words to come up with other than “pathetic”, “embarrassing”, and “vastly disappointing”. This isn’t just year zero difficulty; this is a colossal failure in every facet.

I’m fine getting stomped by Clemson and I’d actually be pretty okay with losing the rest of our ACC schedule (caveat: at least some are close). What I’m not okay with is losing against an inferior FCS team and doing so in an embarassing and feeble way. This is a game we shouldn’t lose under any circumstances.

I’m racking my brain for losses that I’ve been more upset with but I’m not coming up with much. Getting stomped by Middle Tennessee in 2012 is up there, but at least there you can justify it as “Benny Cunningham had the greatest game of his career”. This one is just straight up “everything about this game was incredibly poor and literally nothing was done well”. I don’t know what else to say. This sucks. Every single person involved with this program deserves better.