The Common Man’s approach to CFB, brought to you by the most normal person on any team.
Against all odds, we’re 2-0 this season against writer’s block. And yes, I use the term writer loosely.
We endured a win this past week. I downed 5 water bottles of the course of the game and am genuinely concerned about how hot it’s going to be on Saturday. We need to join our Bama brethern and proclaim #NoMoreNoonKickoffs
Let’s get into it:
- Jalen Hurts is still tryna be that man.
Turns out, the kid can play. 14/18 for 260 and 3 TDs. Ya it was South Dakota, but he didn’t play that much. Lincoln Riley out here playing chinese checkers when everyone else is holding a rook wondering how the hell it’s supposed to fit in the holes on the board.
2. Tennessee football is not back. More on this to come in another episode.
3. Texas football is not back. More also on this to come
Things I Think I Know:
- Somebody has Maryland drinking Fight Milk
2. I hate overtime. I get enough ulcers from watching Tech. I don’t need it in EVERY OTHER GAME. 6 FBS games went to overtime. The only one that didn’t matter was Minnesota and Fresno State. I don’t like you Fleck - you know this man. (NSFW language).
3. There’s not enough hours in the day
4. But Stephen, you watched Nadal for like 85 hours yesterday?
5. Ya, shut up.
6. Pac12 is missing the playoffs, stop me if you’ve heard this one before.
7. After being fully onboard the Murder Smurfs train, I’m somewhat skeptical after Boise struggled to do anything at all against Marshall. Waste of a Friday night viewing window for sure.
8. So many people are so fired, and it’s week 2.
Team Also Receiving Votes that Should Definitely Be Ranked (TARVtSDBR):
At this point, although it pains me to say it, it’s gotta be North Carolina. They’ve been solid out of the gate, and at this point in the 14 week race we call the regular season, they’re sort of in the lead if you’re only looking at on the field performance.
So I have no system to speak of, nor do I gamble with actual money. I’m picking 10 games each week, ranked from $10 to $1 in confidence, $55 fictional dollars leave my pocket each week, and if you love something, you let it go.
So far, I’m at +$20 for the season, or +18%. Pretty solid ROI. I haven’t had time to process my picks yet, but I’ll most likely add them as a comment on this article Friday.
Does Tech Need a Tee [Boy]?
So, after promising to get splits on whoever was potentially going to grab the tee, I only managed to pay attention to 1 of our 3 post-kickoff events. We had a manager or ball person run on to the field to retrieve the tee. The times were record lows, like Kevin in the Office Olympics slow. But they didn’t know they were being timed, so that’s on me. If anyone sees this, let’s notify the right people. I’ll be watching the weekend, make me proud.
Kenny Trill Heisman of the Week
I was looking back at old columns looking for segments to run, and I stumbled across one notable alumni of our prestigious hall...
I said he couldn’t do it. I told him to bow for his curtain call after thumping Baylor last year to the tune of 6 touchdowns. He proved me wrong in so many ways. Kyler, you can remove the cape of Trill from your shoulders, and return it to my PO Box. Revisionist History comes for us all, and now it is my time to face the music.
[takes internal timeout]
But for Week 2, the people demand a new champion. I’ve thought of the name Allenzae Staggers no less than 5 times this week. He was one of the real ones.
The newest member of our fraternity of one trick ponies:
Dustin Burkhart, WR, Akron.
ALL THERE IS ON OUR INTERNAL PICTURE DATABASE IS THIS SPRING GAME WARMUPS.
HE HAD 8 CATCHES FOR 217 YARDS AGAINST UAB AND THEY LOST. AND NO TOUCHDOWNS FOR MR. DUSTIN EITHER. I’m now tempted to go find this game just to see how this happened. Hats off to you sir, may you never find yourself here again.
Top 5 Top 5
Respect my decision. No interviews! #LLMM
Prop Bet of the Week
Now I warned you all of this. They tried to fool us.
46,599 at GT game yesterday. Not bad for first game under Collins. #404Takeover— ATL Sports (@BChill728) September 8, 2019
This is a [Boston] number. That means the stadium is 85% full.
You tell me there’s 46,000 people at that game... I’ll wait.
I’m claiming omnipotence on this matter. The OVER 34,000 hit, but it wasn’t by much. There’s a whole separate rant about crowd involvement that I won’t get in to, but we could do more as fans to make Bobby Dodd a tougher place to play.
This week’s prop bet:
O/U on Passing yards for Tech - 175. Prove me wrong. Stretch the field. I’m begging you. It’s one thing to not trust your QB’s to throw consistently, it’s another to average like 5 yards per completion. Quit running inside zone on 3rd and 12 and open up the playbook some more. You’ve got smart kids, your environment dictates that. Let them do more than set their WR’s to get tee’d off on by throwing lollipops over the middle and screens where your OL are facing facing the RB waiting to watch him get swallowed up by the 7 defenders you should have been blocking. I’ll render an official verdict after the UNC game, which, at the very least, should be interesting.
The More You Know
A different side of Pete Carroll for this long form interview with Dax Sheppard (Punk’d, Parenthood, Idiocracy) on Armchair Expert. I might be one of about 6 dudes that listen to this podcast, but it was interesting to hear more about Carroll in less of a coach-speak mood. Here’s the link.
(Eaux)de to the O
I can't see Ed Orgeron on TV w/out thinking about this. pic.twitter.com/Bu6o2o3nKg— Michael Kist (@MichaelKistNFL) September 8, 2019
Again, I don’t know if I need to repeat this at this point, but
I WILL DIE FOR THIS MAN.
Ed Orgeron is now 6-0 at LSU vs Top 10 teams not named Alabama— Chris Fallica (@chrisfallica) September 8, 2019
The October 12th slugfest with Florida in Tiger Stadium is coming. Bring the rain baby.
Thoughts and Prayers
Ending the week on a serious note, thoughts and prayers go out to Evan Finegan, punter for the Buffalo Bulls. He suffered a brutal leg injury after getting a punt blocked against Penn State on Saturday. It’s a thankless position where you only stand out if things go wrong. We wish you a speedy recovery, and Go Bulls.
As always, thanks for reading, and hopefully next week I’ll be bringing you all the column at its normal time, preferably on Monday, preferably in the morning. Just like the doctor ordered.