BREAKING FOOTBALL NEWS. The football team has made some offseason moves, adding two grad transfers in DB Malik Rivera and LS Zach Roberts. Rivera follows his position coach Shiel Wood to Tech from Wofford, where he started all 13 games last season while amassing quite the list of academic accolades. (Whatever you do, Malik, don’t try triple-majoring at Tech. Seriously. Don’t do it.) Roberts is making his way from Lamar in southeast Texas; he started at long snapper each of the last two years for the Cardinals and is rumored to have football’s hottest highlight reel. This news to you all now, today, and definitely not something you’ve already read about.
You’re damn right we’re talking about soccer. The world’s biggest sporting event that’s not the Olympics or Red Bull Flugtag started yesterday and will occupy a large percentage of the sportsosphere for most of the next 32 days. If you were unaware, the USA did not make it due to [goes on a two hour tangent on the current state of the USA soccer federation], so if you need a secondary interest to root for and aren’t sure who to pick, the mothership did put together a sort-of guide for that based on college football.... the only problem is Georgia Tech isn’t on it. But let’s think about it: A team that flirts with occasional greatness but tends to be undone by defensive miscues late in the game.... hell, y’all, that’s just Atlanta United. You don’t even have to get up early to watch them.
Wait, we’re not done. Hey, remember how the most important thing to Georgia fans - aside from a dog that is the result of several questionable breeding methods - is a collection of invasive weeds? Atlanta will be hosting a World Cup semifinal in 2026 at the Benz, but 30 years prior to that, the Olympic soccer final was held in Athens. You know what they had to do to Sanford Stadium to accommodate a regulation soccer pitch? Oh, just get rid of the hedges.
Countdown to the end of the Russell Athletic contract: 16 days.