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Duff’d It! Rankings and Other Accolades: The one where people are mad about flags

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AT LEAST IT ISN’T BUSHES THIS TIME

NCAA Football: Oklahoma at Ohio State
Y’all ain’t gonna like where it goes next, Buckeyes.
Joe Maiorana-USA TODAY Sports

Week 2 of college football is in the books, and man, was it.... fun. Like, really fun. Normally college football likes to hide the mound of trash that is week 2 behind all the fun excitement of week 1. Football’s finally here! Neutral site kickoff games! Chick-fil-A! We’re playing a game in Fiji! And then you get to week 2 and you’re reminded, oh yeah, 98% of schools like to schedule an easy win early in the season. And this year it was still, like, 90%. But that other 10%, mmm, it was good.

Anyway, this week’s edition is a day late, ‘cause a hurricane might delay the duff, but it can’t hold it back forever. Now, a day on after the five year anniversary of Lennay Kekua’s death, we present this week’s rankings:

Duff’d It! Rankings, Week 2

5. Georgia Southern. I’m beginning to think this whole Tyson Summers thing isn’t gonna work out for the Eagles. Ditching the option and going 5-7 last year didn’t exactly endear him to their fans, and losing to FCS New Hampshire is gonna make a few of them looking into holding a seance and summoning the ghost of Erk Russell to coach the team. Russell famously called a festering drainage ditch “Beautiful Eagle Creek” as a means of motivating his players; the Eagles might soon be calling him “Fantastic Tyson Summers”.

4. Auburn. Clemson should consider adding Publix as a corporate sponsor with all the sacks they had Saturday. Jarrett Stidham is probably looking back at what he left behind at Baylor and questioning his life decisions. Speaking of.....

3. Baylor. Last week it was Liberty, this week is UTSA. Baylor really is back, and they made it before Miami did! It feels like 1999 again; remember to Y2K-proof your computers and purchase your “Virginia Tech: Big East Champions” memorabilia.

2. Notre Dame. Wow, I didn’t know Georgia was opening a new stadium this year! Guess they got tired of playing in a stadium that runs east to west. But like every new stadium opening, this one did have its share of logistical issues. Hope they get it worked out, and the people who have legitimate complaints about it don’t get talked down by Twitter nobodies who don’t know nothin’.

1. Ohio State. After beating the Buckeyes and avenging last year’s loss, OU quarterback Baker Mayfield planted the OU flag at the center of Ohio Stadium, which made a lot of Buckeye fans real mad, which made Mayfield apologize for it, which is dumb. The only thing Mayfield should have to apologize for is beating Ohio State’s asses so hard, and the only thing Buckeye fans can be mad about is the “sad Urban Meyer eating Papa John’s in the tunnels while a sad-sounding rendition of ‘gooooooo Big Papa’ plays in the background” meme we’re wheeling out again, ‘cause guess what, y’all? Ohio State lost! The way to prevent future flag plantings is by not losing; that’s why you never see Michigan do it to you.

Honorable mention: Arkansas. There’s only one word to describe the Hogs’ loss to TCU, and I’m gonna SPELL. IT. OUT. for ya:

D-O-I-N-K, DOOOOOOOOOOINK

SEC Conference Plays of the Week

A quick scan of the NCAA rulebook reveals no such penalty against towel throwing. And, clearly, the referees on the field saw no issue with it. However, as “throwing in the towel” is a long-used expression for “giving up”, this act technically means UCLA lost to Hawaii by forfeit. Duff’d it!

(direct link, as I’ve been advised the above play will not display on mobile)

I

I just

But how

How in the world

This is the most incredible football play I’ve ever seen. I should just retire this section now. Nothing will ever top this.

Employee of the Month of the Week

NCAA Football: San Diego State at Arizona State Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Rashaad Penny, RB, San Diego State

When will the Mountain West’s reign of terror over the hapless Pac-12 end?? It continued Saturday, as Rashaad Penny scored more touchdowns by himself than Arizona State did. He wasn’t done when he ran 95 yards for the game’s first score; no, he finished with 216 total yards on 18 carries. On top of that, he caught four passes for 38 yards and another touchdown, and he still wasn’t done, running a kickoff back 99 yards for a third, completing a touchdown Triple Crown. (Just a passing touchdown away from a Grand Slam. So close!) That’s a total of 353 all-purpose yards, and an easy choice for this week’s EotMotW.

So, congratulations, Rashaad Penny! Your award is being slightly cooler than everyone else in San Diego for at least a week. Look, I’ve been to San Diego, being able to live there should be considered a reward in itself.