Folks, we need talk about something:
We need to talk about Kennesaw State’s turnover plank. The Kennesaw State turnover plank is objectively superior to Tennessee’s turnover trash can or Miami’s turnover chain. It is possibly the only real-world reference to Ed, Edd, n Eddy in existence. It was acquired from a local school kid, likely bartered for several comically large jawbreakers. It is glorious.
We also need to talk about the most important game of this past weekend: Army vs. Air Force. Not because it was the second leg of the Commander-in-Chief Trophy, or [insert stock statement about “our troops”], but because Army defeated Air Force, 21-0, without completing a single pass. Without attempting a single pass. It is football perfection, and what all teams should strive for.
Duff’d It! Rankings, Week 10
5. Iowa State. Didn’t it feel nice to be a top 15 team, Cyclones? Even for a brief moment? But hey, losing now meant you could finally make your debut (we think) on the Duff’d It! Rankings! That’s its own victory, in a way.
4. Penn State. James Franklin, you’ve lost to Akron twice now! In a row! Thankfully Rutgers is next to give you a break.
3. NC State. So close again, Wolfpack! You would have had it this time, if it weren’t for clever Clemson and their evil computers!
2. Oklahoma State. Death, taxes, and Oklahoma State losing Bedlam: these are the three guarantees in life. If you are on the wrong end of your school’s biggest rivalry, just remember it could always be worse, unless you’re the Cowboys.
1. Ohio State. Hooooooo, boy. Ol’ Papa John did not have a good week last week, with his pizza sales declining, him bizarrely blaming said decline on the NFL protests, and then losing even more money after that. But the cherry on top had to have been one of his most famous customers suffering the worst loss of his career after Iowa took his Buckeyes to the woodshed. No amount of garlic butter sauce is going to make that one sting any less.
Honorable mention: Kansas. With Baylor having fallen back to its traditional state of, well, being Baylor, the battle of the Big 12 jobbers was on with their game Saturday vs. Kansas. That’s when we found out Baylor - who’s lost to everyone, including Liberty - might be bad, but they’re still better than Kansas. Way better. The good news for the Jayhawks: their only conference win from last year is up next! Think they can make it two in a row against Texas?
SEC Conference Plays of the Week
You can steal all the towels you want, Bradley Chubb, but you still can’t steal a win from Clemson.
Reasons to consider NOT hurdling:Posted by Deadspin on Saturday, November 4, 2017
(via Timothy Burke, the master of screencaps)
Hurdling ucually looks cool, but that’s because you usually only remember the successes, and not the ones that would result if you tried it.
This Wazzu fan knows you don’t need pants for the victory dance. Wait, did Wazzu even win this game? Eh, whatever.
Employee of the Month of the Week
Joshua Jackson, DB, Iowa
Hat tricks aren’t a thing in football, but that should be temporarily suspended for Iowas Joshua Jackson (the one with the ball in the picture above). Ohio State quarterback J.T. Barrett threw four picks Saturday in Iowa City, and Jackson caught three of ‘em. So go ahead and toss your hats on the field for him - but keep the student-athletes clear of them, as picking up and keeping them would be an NCAA violation.