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M?M?BP - Week 5

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A pirate looks at 5-0

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NCAA Football: Pac-12 Media Day Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

The Common Man’s approach to CFB, brought to you by the most normal person on any team.


“For the information of young hunters, I will just say, in this place, that whenever a fellow gets bad lost, the way home is just the way he don't think it is. This rule will hit nine times out of ten.” - Davy Crockett

So let’s go back a minute and take the time to appreciate that throughout the course of time, some things don’t change. We still read words written by people that existed before literally almost every single invention that we know and think of today. While Davy Crockett doesn’t quite compare to the works of Plato or Sun Tzu, his words still hit home. You know what they’re telling me?

Hire Phil Fulmer. (or at least someone... or literally anyone for that matter)

“Bad lost” would be the quintessential way to describe the wilderness they collectively find themselves in. Did they get themselves here? Maybe. But now that they’re about as lost as it gets. Try heading home. Davy thinks you’ll be okay.

With that being said...

Giphy

Quick Hitters

1) James Franklin has to be messing with us at this point.

The boy threw a touchdown, returned a kickoff to the promised land, and caught an entirely unnecessary one-handed screen pass. Guess it was an attempt to offset the 2.8 ypc he ended up with. This is the definition of doing too much. Save it for the rest of your schedule, when you aren’t up like 3 scores on Indiana.

2) I know none of you care.

But on the season, I’ve got at least 7-3 ATS 3 of the 5 weeks this season and have yet to get a payout from my office pool.

At some point, I need to turn this into real money and just be more selective with my picks, but man is it infuriating to not win.

3) Welcome to the world of relevancy Troy Trojans

After nearly knocking off Clemson last season and finishing with a 10-2 record, Troy went into Death Valley, for a night game, on Homecoming weekend, and messed around and won a ball game. They have the invention of modern replay to thank in part for the win, as they got this gem. Two beautiful seconds, gifted by the Special Teams gods, granted a 37-yarder to bounce off the crossbar, winning the freshman kicker a gift card to his neighborhood Applebee’s, and oh yea, 3 points that ended up being the difference in the game.

Things I Think I Know

1) Gonna flashback to last year - Alabama is good at football.

With a combined score of 125-3, it’s safe to say someone pissed in Saban’s cheerios. Guess what? It’s 3 glorious weekends until we get to watch Tennessee get ‘Bama’d. Am I bitter? Shut up.

2) I’m becoming more and more of a football nerd by the day.

My highlights from my viewing experience were watching UCF TORCH Memphis, keeping an eye on Arkansas/NMSU, Maryland/Minnesota, and worst of all... I watched the last 3 minutes of Eastern Michigan @ Kentucky.

I am a sad person.

3) It’s about the right time of year to break this out. [TEAM NAME] is the best [x] win school in the country

couldn’t find one that read o leh do it

0 wins - Baylor? Idk, y’all just suck so bad... please get better. Runner up? UMass?

1 wins - I really wanted to put Air Force here, but it’s hard to say anyone other than F$U.

2 wins - 3-way tie because I make the rules here, not you. Arkansas/Purdue/Indiana. Let me have it.

3 wins - I really don’t know where to go here, so let’s do a poll. Those are fun.

Poll

Best 3 win team in CFB

This poll is closed

  • 13%
    Miami
    (23 votes)
  • 2%
    UCF
    (5 votes)
  • 2%
    Stanford
    (5 votes)
  • 78%
    Your Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets
    (138 votes)
  • 2%
    I’m still wrong, I should resign
    (5 votes)
176 votes total Vote Now

4 wins - 3 categories.

Undefeated with 4 wins: Oklahoma

4-1 P5: Auburn - you hate this don’t you... cus I know it makes me feel sticky

4-1 G5: Who’da thunk it, 2 Troy mentions in 2 segments?!!?

5 wins - Bama. This blog learned its lesson thinking otherwise.

Top 5 Top 5

try ‘n keep up
  1. Bama 2. Clemson 3. Oklahoma 4. georgia 5. Penn State

There’s 3 teams I don’t see uga beating. The rankings tell the same story. It’s my nightmare.

TARVTSBR [that’s such a better acronym...]

Team Also Receiving Votes That Should Be Ranked - No bias, it’s Tech. Oregon just lost their starting QB for the season, Royce Freeman is out. F$U is bad. Texas Tech, not really good. Stanford makes a case but their losses to USC and SDSU still sting. Navy and KState have yet to prove themselves, and Memphis got pooped on. Texas A&M doesn’t know who they are. Maryland has a 3rd, 4th? string QB. and Troy is improving, but needs more than one performance to stick here. So yea, now that we’ve all bought into the Yackets, let’s talk about....

DEFENSE’s TECHOMETER

haha jk, I know that button has been pushed and the genie doesn’t need to be rubbed anymore.

I’d like to not have home games kick off at noon, and I’d also like the Fall to get here already. Other than that, I ain’t got nothing.

Kenny Trill Heisman of the Week (KTHotW)

Remember when we played Pitt and Max Browne had 88 yards passing?

Max Browne - QB - Pittsburgh

BOY WERE WE WRONG TO LAUGH AT HIM

DO NOT [FOREIGNER] WITH THIS MAN.

He threw for 410 yards, a 87.5% completion percentage, and 4 touchdowns as Pitt sandblasted Rice 42-10. Maybe he’s better than Sam Darnold now? Transfer back and let’s find out. Never trust a quarterback with curly hair. Mark those words.

Does Tech need a Tee [Boston]?

Shea, I trusted you. At no point in Saturday’s contest were our 2 kickoff marksmen relieved from the trot to go back and get their tee. Hell, the ref threw the tee to King on one of the kickoffs. I thought I was getting somewhere, showing that one man could change the world. Shows what I know...

Tin Horn Team of the Week

hahahahahahahahahaahahahahsohsdfqgr[eqoutbvqer[v3nwfpwdfj-2qefvocJWSBVP AESRVIPNERGEOIVJD0SFVSHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAH

Tennessee Voluntears

YOU HAVENT LOST THIS BAD AT HOME SINCE BEFORE THE TERM WORLD WAR MEANT ANYTHING [credit Conner]

Davy Crockett looking more and more right by the minute amirite?

Prop Bet of the Week

when the under hits
Barstool Sports

IT’s UNDER SZN BABYYYYYYYYYY

this sports book is @ 3 straight unders

^Jokes on you, O/U’s set by this blog, much like roulette, are Independent Random Variables. Thank you The Institute for letting me know that just cus it was red the last 6 times doesn’t mean bet black. Dr. Androdottir would be proud so proud of me...

so unless I missed it, there were no odd passes against UNCheat, so UNDER SZN rains down upon the masses, but not too much so as to hit the Over.

This week’s prop bet: Turnover Margin for Tech O/U: -1.5

I realize this won’t be popular, but these are questions we must ask ourselves now that we have the hardest remaining schedule in the country. The need to eradicate the turnover bug will give us an extra 10 points a game on average, and it just makes us look like we’re playing so much better football when we don’t gift wrap the oblong ball to the meatheads on defense for the opposition. In other words:

when you hold on to the [duran duran] ball Petey

The More You Know

Descend with me into the realm of endless obscurity. Study Hall: College Football, Its Stats and Its Stories

Written by SBNation contributor and self-proclaimed nerd Bill Connelly, this is basically the CFB advanced stats Bible. It explains IsoPPP, Success Rates, Leverage Yards, how charting works in CFB, the S&P+ analytics system, and why nerds all go to Boston in the summer to talk to GM’s and other nerds about stats in sports.

I just finished it up, and would recommend most things he writes. Also Bill, if you’re reading this (not happening), lemme know if you need some help. Behind this facade of freelance parlance is a person (feels weird saying adult) that would be interested in sports for money, but in a talking/writing way, not a physical injury kind of way.

(Eaux)de to the O

is on suspension this week. I don’t like the negativity around O, and it actually kind of made me feel bad to see it all pour in on Saturday night.

GET OFF MY LAWN

I don’t know what it’s going to take, but quit commenting on kicking. #collegekickers shouldn’t be a thing, and nobody actually watches this [styx] in the game, so just let me and Pat McAfee take notice of kickers.

PLAYOFFS?!

With a 2% chance of going 10-1, it’s safe to bet Tech won’t be making this year’s CFP. Please feel free to prove me wrong. But what we’ll do here is eliminate a couple of teams preemptively from playoff contention.

So here we go: Wake, West Virginia, The Apple Cup loser, VPISU, Thomas Jefferson U, The U[tes], Frank Wilson’s hype train, The Loser of UCF/USF, The Winner of UCF/USF, TTU, Texas A&M, Kenny Trill U, SDSU, Oregon, The loser of Bedlam, Ohio State, Notre Shame, NCST, Navy, Minnetonka, Sparty, Harbaugh’s Effort Academy, Maryland, Lamar Jackson, Less Popular Stoops U, Bill Snyder, Tech, UF, The Dookies.

So for those of you keeping track at home, that obviously leaves:

‘Bama, AllBarn, Clempsun, uga, Miami, Oklahoma or Oklahoma State, Penn State, USC, Washington(s), and Wisconsin.

Sucks we are actually down to like 12 teams, but them’s the breaks. Let’s see who messes up next. I legitimately am not buying into tOSU or UM. And you can’t make me. They need to prove they are worthy of my time, but both have been lackluster thus far in spots where they needed to shine, and they simply haven’t. Sure tOSU is charting well at the moment after taking care of business since Indiana, but you can’t shake the image of their terrible corners which is and will be seared into my memory, just like Speight throwing two 6’s against the Navi people from Avatar led by their leader Jim McElwain.

And Crees sighed...

Crees didn’t sigh too much, but was rooting for Eastern Michigan just as hard as I was. Crees loved the metal plate look on the EMU uniforms (which was terrible for the record.) But he’ll better articulate his thoughts next week, he missed his deadline this week (read: I forgot to remind him).


As always, thanks for reading, and hopefully next week I'll be bringing you all the column at its normal time, preferably on Monday, preferably in the morning. Just like the doctor ordered.