Duff’d It! Rankings and Other Accolades: Chaos Week 2017

It’s the most wonderful time of the year

All these top ten teams falling

They’re fumb-ling and crawling, please bring me more beer

It’s the most wonderful time of the yearrrrrrrrrrr

Duff’d It! Rankings, Week 7

5. Auburn. DACOACHO has been under a lot of pressure lately, and wheLSU went down 20-0 early to Auburn, the heat was more intense than any summer day in the Louisiana Bayou. But DACOACHO wasn’t scared. He wrangled 10 foot long alligators in the swamps behind his house as a child. Comparted to that, wrangling a 20-0 deficit into a 27-23 victory was nothing.

4. Washington. Damn you, Chris Peterson! This is your divine retribution for angering ESPN, the almighty college football gods. Together with Wazzu you’ve ruined the Apple Cup. Again.

3. Washington State. Friday the 13th sure was spooooooooky for top ten teams! #Pac12afterdark struck early this week, with California pulling out Jedi moves and otherwise punishing every mistake Wazzu made of which there were very, very many. I could continue to drag the Cougs here, but why do that when Mike Leach already did it for me?

2. Clemson. You don’t just walk into the Carrier Dome on a Friday night and expect a win. But don’t worry, Tigers. You’re still #2 in the Duff’d It! Rankings.

1. The NCAA. Seven years of investigating UNC’s inarguably fake classes and the NCAA says, “nah, anyone could have taken those. Not our problem!” Think of the NCAA as a high level executive: they have a fancy title to make themselves seem important, but any functional human being could do their job much better and for much less money.

Honorable mention: Louisville. Y’all all remember Lamar Jackson, right? Tall kid, plays quarterback, Heisman winner, dropped like 500 yards on FSU last year? Well, Louisville is trying its hardest to make us all forget about him, because when you give up 45 points to Boston College, life quickly becomes meaningless.

And now for a brief musical interlude: Hello Ted Roof my old friend

Your defense let us down again

Right now we could be undefeated

The safeties not so mistreated

But the pain of watching all those bubble screens still remains

Within the sound..... of silence

SEC Conference Plays of the Week

I saw this and remembered, for a brief moment, what it felt like to be happy. So wonderful. So fleeting.

Honestly, the most incredible thing about this play is Rutgers managed to come out on top here. Then again, this is Illinois, so how much does that really count for?

Feel this ball

On your face

You hate this

I feel great

Employee of the Month of the Week

Casey Sapio-USA TODAY Sports

Khalil Tate, QB, Arizona

Hello, police? I need to report a robbery. This man is stealing ALL our Employee of the Month of the Week awards! After last week’s blistering performance in Boulder, Tate was back at it vs. UCLA, throwing just four incompletions and connecting on the other nine for 148 yards and a touchdown, and racking up 230 yards on just 15 carries for two more touchdowns. That’s fifteen yards a carry, which is still a huge step down from last week. At this rate, Tate will be losing fifteen yards a touch by November. It’s simple data extrapolation, folks.