Illuminati Picks: Behold your champions

GREETINGS, EARTH CITIZENS. AT LONG LAST WE HAVE REACHED THE CULMINATION OF YET ANOTHER COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON, AND WITH IT, OUR INTENTIONS BECOME THAT MUCH CLOSER TO BEING REALIZED.

VIEW LAST WEEK’S RESULTS

THERE IS ALSO THE SUBJECT OF THE FINAL RESULTS OF THIS ITERATION OF OUR EXPERIMENT. FOR NOW IT HAS ENDED, AND THE TIME HAS COME TO TABULATE THEM IN ORDER TO BESTOW UPON YOU SOME SORT OF TRIVIAL GRATIFICATION. YOU HAVE ALL PERFORMED..... IN A MANNER CONSISTENT WITH OUR EXPECTATIONS OF YOU. NOT ONE OF YOU EVEN APPROACHED ACCURATELY PREDICTING OUR PLANS, NOR DID ANY OF YOU EVEN ACHIEVE A WEEK’S WORTH OF PERFECTION. DO NOT PERCEIVE THIS AS ADMONISHMENT; IT IS REASSURANCE TO US WE ARE IN NO DANGER OF BEING USURPED BY YOUR KIND ANY TIME IN THIS EON OR THE NEXT.

HOWEVER, WE WOULD BE REMISS TO NOT RECOGNIZE THOSE AMONG YOU WHO HAVE BESTED YOUR PEERS AND EMERGED AS CHAMPIONS OF YOUR KIND. BEHOLD THOSE AMONG YOU WHO CORRECTLY PREDICTED OUR PLANS WITH THE HIGHEST DEGREE OF ACCURACY. JACKET05 IS TO BE EXALTED FOR HIS CLAIRVOYANT PROWESS.

(DO NOTE A POOR PARTICIPATION RATE WAS GROUNDS FOR DISQUALIFICATION FROM THIS MEASUREMENT. WE ARE WISE TO YOUR INFANTILE TRICKS AND RECOGNITION CANNOT BE STOLEN IN SUCH A MANNER.)

AND NOW, FINALLY, BEHOLD THOSE AMONG YOU WHO CORRECTLY GUESSED THE MOST OF OUR DECISIONS. MATT J IS TO BE EXALTED FOR HIS CLAIRVOYANCE AND ACCURACY, AS SEEN HERE AND ABOVE.

THE FINAL TOTALS AS WELL AS THOSE FOR EVERY WEEK ARE AVAILABLE IN OUR REPOSITORY. DO INFORM US OF ANY PERCEIVED DISCREPANCIES POSTHASTE; THOUGH WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FALLIBILITY OR INCONSISTENCY OF THE HUMAN MEMORY, WE ARE NONETHELESS TASKED WITH RECTIFYING IT.

NOW TAKE THIS WEEKEND OF CALM TO PREPARE YOURSELVES. FOR THE NEXT PART OF OUR EXPERIMENT IS THE GRANDEST OF ALL. UNTIL THEN, REMEMBER WE ARE ALWAYS WATCHING.