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Duff’d It! Rankings and Other Accolades: We’ll see you in hell, Tommy Tuberville

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PROUD TO ANNOUNCE WE SCORED AS MANY POINTS THIS WEEKEND AS LSU

THIS MAKES ME SO MAD I HAVE TO SHUT THE ENTIRE WORLD OUT

Tommy Tuberville lost his cool after his Cincinnati team lost to BYU last week, telling a heckling fan to go to hell. On the one hand, telling someone in that crowd to go to hell is one of the deepest insults you can muster. On the other, BYU fans and player have.... a bit of a track record, so I’d be sure to save that unless I was extremely sure I wasn’t going there. You think they’re bad now? Imagine dealing with them for the rest of eternity.

In other news, Marshawn Lynch is a menace to society that must be stopped, or at least properly taught how to drive a golf cart. Look at how close he came to clipping members of Cal’s marching band! Twice! We as a supposedly civilized society will not stand for this!

Duff’d It! Rankings, Week 10

5. LSU. The good news for the Tigers is they held Alabama and Lane Kiffin’s offense to ten points. The bad news is, well, they didn’t score any. PAWWWWWWWL WHAT DID I TELL YEW I TOLD YEW THAT CAJUN BOY WAS JUST A BIG OLE PANSY

4. Florida. Hey, y’all, so it turns out the SEC East is bad! How bad? Their best team just lost to the West’s fifth best team. Yes, the Bert show held the Gators to ten points and under 250 yards on the day, and oh boy it’s going to be fun watching this team play Alabama in the SEC championship. Probably. South Carolina still has a shot! (Really. They do.)

3. Texas A&M. The College Football Playoff committee’s decision to rank the 7-1 Aggies ahead of undefeated Washington in their first rankings caused more than a few people to scratch their heads. Luckily, it didn’t take long for A&M’s to introduce the world to their newest tradition: playing themselves out of the playoff as quickly as possible!

2. Baylor. The Bears wore black uniforms in their game against TCU, presumably to honor Art Briles. Personally, I can’t think of a better way to honor a disgraced former coach than by being completely humiliated at home by a school you swear isn’t your rival. It was all for you, Art!

1. Nebraska. We’d been wondering if Nebraska was Actually Good, and we finally found out this weekend! It turns out they are not. Ohio State beat the Cornhuskers worse than they beat Rutgers. It turns out after losing to Penn State, Urban Meyer kept the Northwestern score close so he could let his anger simmer juuuuuust a bit longer. Now he’s back and claiming skulls.

Honorable mention: Notre Dame. The Irish got to experience the joy of finding out it’s very hard to win a football game when you only get the ball six times. The Navy offense prefers to score a lot of points while slowly choking the life out of you, and it was at its boa-constrictor best Saturday. All but one of the Irish’s possessions ended in points, but again, that doesn’t matter much if you never get the ball.

ACC Big 12 Conference Play of the Week

Special thanks to Ball State LB Sean Wiggins for demonstrating the exact wrong way to slide into someone’s DMs. That’s a five yard penalty in life, son.

Man, I knew things were rough at Iowa, but I hadn’t realized it was this bad. What? That’s not Iowa, but the Pittsburgh Steelers, who share their uniforms? Y’all, give me a break. The Steelers are professionals. They’d never even think to attempt something this unusual.

Employee of the Month of the Week

Louisville v Boston College Photo by Billie Weiss/Getty Images

Lamar Jackson, QB, Louisville

Lamar Jackson is back, son. Jackson completed 12 of just 17 passes against Boston College for 231 yards and four touchdowns, and rushed 15 times for 185 yards and another three touchdowns. Louisville scored seven touchdowns in their 52-7 win over Boston College, and Jackson was involved in all of them. He has 44 total touchdowns on the year now, which is tied with Oklahoma State and better than 113 entire teams.

Oh, and he did this while playing only three quarters, again. He does twice the job you do in half the time. He’s already the CEO. You can’t stop him. Just try.