Wrestling is its own special brand of theater. Everyone (save very young children) knows this in 2016; the people asking “you know it’s fake, right?” know less about the product than fans do. Once in a while, wrestling fans will be treated to a match that is such an incredible display of athleticism and storytelling they will ask the competitors to “fight forever”. Obviously, the pre-planned nature of the event and the limits of human stamina prevent this from being a possibility. But it’s a compliment to the athlete-actors in this play: what you are showing to us on these few feet of canvas is positively mesmerizing, and we wish you could continue this for as long as are physically able to watch it. Clemson vs. Louisville was that in football form. Lamar Jackson and Deshaun Watson dazzled together in a way you rarely see in college football. It was a display truly worthy of the “fight forever” chant.
The Duff’d It! Rankings are here to bring you everything that is not that.
Duff’d It! Rankings, week 5
5. Michigan State. What the hell is leaping?? Back in my day the only leaping we did was in the trenches to get away from German grenades!
...yeah, all that was basically because I have no idea what “leaping” is, other than the reason Michigan State lost to Indiana.
4. Texas. Remember way back in week 1 when Texas upset Notre Dame in double overtime on a Sunday night? Man, that was fun. And it wasn’t even a month ago! Both teams are now a combined 4-5. After giving up 49+ points three times in four games, the Longhorns have given their defensive coordinator a field demotion, which this being the week of a major rivalry game is a sure sign everything is fine in Austin.
Tennessee Georgia. This Saturday, Georgia made history as the only college football team to win a game on a hail mary and then lose that game by subsequently giving one up. Can y’all believe the Dawgs lost a game after taking the lead with under 20 seconds remaining? This is just more evidence Georgia has the most tormented fanbase in college football, because aaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
2. Stanford. It’s going down, I’m yelling timber
1. FSU. The problem with having a hand sign/motion associated with your team is, sure, it’s an easy thing to do to identify yourself/pose for pictures/do at social events, but it’s just as easy for someone on an opposing team to turn it right back around on you. And it’s incredibly irritating to see someone do that. Especially when that someone is the other team’s kicker, and they’re doing it because they just beat you. Ain’t nothing you can do about that except be mad online.
Honorable mention: Iowa. Hey Hawkeyes, how’s life since signing Kirk Ferentz to that huge contract extension? Woah, what? You lost to North Dakota State, barely beat Rutgers, and lost to Northwestern. Well, don’t worry, you’re only stuck with Ferentz for another nine years and ten months. Just take them ten seconds at a time and that contract will be up before you know it.
ACC Conference Plays of the Week
Young quarterbacks: don't do this pic.twitter.com/Jimuz7SmTj— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) October 1, 2016
help please the big scary men are after me
someone take the ball please anybody
no not you anybody but you
Bama nutmegged on the punt coverage for a touchback pic.twitter.com/qo0kM9xjgl— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) October 2, 2016
YAWLLLL I CANNOT BELIEVE THE ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE WERE LOSING TO THE KENTUCKY KITTYCATS FOR SEVEN WHOLE MINUTES
THEY CAN’T EVEN HANDLE THEIR WEAK LITTLE KICKS YAWLL FIRE SABAN
Yeahhh, that’s pretty much how things went for McCaffrey. Twelve carries for 49 yards and five catches for 30 yards, plus five punt returns for 144 yards. McCaffrey had more total yards (223) than the Cardinal had yards of offense (213). Now if you’ll excuse me, we’re at the Pitbull part of the song....
McCaffrey total yardage counter: 858
Employee of the Month of the Week
Vincent Taylor, DT, Oklahoma State
Taylor had a pretty average day as far as DTs go. He had three tackles on the day against Texas, whereas teammate Jordan Stearns led everyone with twelve(!). Then again, he blocked not one, but two extra points, which is more in one game than most will block in their lifetimes. Oh, and that first one was pretty special: Taylor blocked the kick, scooped the ball up up, started running downfield with it, and had the awareness to flip it to a teammate when he knew he was about to be run down. Y’all should just watch it, and keep an eye out for Taylor when the Piesman Trophy race heats up