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What exactly is Stephen Hill suspended from?

Hey, look, the NFL did something that doesn’t make sense.

Pittsburgh Steelers v New York Jets Photo by Mitchell Leff/Getty Images

Former Yellow Jacket wide receiver Stephen Hill received some bad news today:

For those of you scratching your heads, wondering, “wait, Stephen Hill is still in the NFL?”, you’re not alone! Hill hasn’t played a down in the league since 2013, and while he was on the Carolina Panthers practice squad the past two seasons, he was waived by the team in August, which means he’s currently a free agent. So what, exactly, does this suspension mean for Hill?

Here is a non-exhaustive list of things Stephen Hill may or may not be suspended from doing:

  • Signing a contract with an NFL team
  • Having contract discussions with an NFL team, either himself or through an agent
  • Talking to any friends who play in the NFL
  • Talking to any employees of the NFL or its franchises
  • Talking about the NFL, at all
  • @’ing the NFL on Twitter, Instagram, and other social media
  • Telling people he’s ever played in the NFL
  • Playing any version of Madden NFL released within the past five years
  • In other words, suspended from playing as himself in Madden
  • Having dreams about playing in, attending, or even watching an NFL game
  • Seriously, his cable provider has been notified and he is blacklisted from purchasing NFL Sunday Ticket
  • Playing fantasy football in any form
  • Drinking Bud Light, the official beer of the NFL™
  • Flying or riding in the Goodyear Blimp
  • Purchasing an NFL licensed and logo’d Wilson brand football
  • Patronizing any of the over 430 Hooters locations in the United States (international locations are acceptable as they are outside the NFL’s jurisdiction..... for now)
  • Writing scathing blog posts on the NFL’s substance abuse policy
  • Remembering the NFL even exists, their agents are in front of your house right now, escape out the back door, run Stephen
  • Watching or reading any discussion about his suspension, either on television, in print, or online
  • Asking what he’s actually suspended from doing