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Duff’d It! Rankings and Other Accolades: #ItJustMeansMore Edition

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RECOGNIZING THIS WEEKEND’S MARK BRADLEYS OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL

When you see the upset
Alex Goodlett/Getty Images

This week in #Pac12AfterDark news: Arizona State head coach Todd Graham had some unsavory words for Wazzu coach Mike Leach after his loss to the Cougs on Saturday. Earlier this week Leach accused Graham and ASU of stealing signs - which is perfectly legal, as long as you don’t record them. But Leach not only believes the Sun Devils are doing this, but have “a whole command center designed around this stuff.” We here at the Duff’d It! Rankings have confirmed both the existence and location of this command center. Below is exclusive visual confirmation:

Intel that it is staffed by several teenagers with attitude has yet to be confirmed.

Duff’d It Rankings, Week 8

5. Mississippi State. Thought the Bulldogs had gotten a season’s worth of humiliation out of their system with a season opening loss to South Alabama? Nope! Turns out they still had some left, but a midseason lost to Kentucky should clear the rest of that out.

4. Houston. Back in the summer, Houston was still on top of the world, having enjoyed a 12 win season and a pasting of Florida State in the Peach Bowl. So surely, taking a potshot at in-state rival SMU, a program who has spent most of its post-death penalty existence being down, was never going to come back and bite him on the ass. Right?

.....right?

3. Mizzou. Things aren’t looking good for the two time SEC East champions after losing to Middle Tennessee. Georgia’s signature win is looking worse by the week, and if Mizzou can’t beat Middle Tennessee, who already lost to Vanderbilt.... they’re probably going to lose to Vanderbilt. Which, hey, this is the SEC East, so none of it matters anyway!

2. Arkansas. Does anyone know how many different ways you can prepare pork? I certainly don’t, but Auburn may have invented one or two ways of doing it in their 56-3 evisceration of the Hogs. Eviscerated pork does have the purple prose description of a dish you’d find at a fancy restaurant where the portions are the size of a half-dollar, but “eviscerated” doesn’t roll of the tongue well. Atomized pork, maybe?

1. Ohio State. is it time

okay yes it is time

it is time for sad Urban Meyer eating pizza

someone cue up the sad reprise of “GOOOO BIG PAPA”

Honorable mention: Texas A&M. PAWWWWWWWWWWWWL look. Everybody keeps saying the SEC is the best conference. But between me and you, we know that ain’t true. The SEC is the BEST conference: Bama, Exactly; Stop Talking. The rest of the SEC is riding our coattails so close they might as well be kissing our butt. In fact, they are. DON’T Y’ALL EVER THINK YOU’RE JUST AS GOOD WITHOUT US ‘CAUSE WE’LL LEAVE YOUR SORRY ASSES FOR THE BIG 12. ROLL TIDE.

Bozo of the Week: Kirk Firentz. I dunno, Kirk, I don’t really see how kicking a field goal down by eight works out mathematically. But I’m not being paid millions of dollars to coach forever at a space-grant school in east Iowa. They must have some mathematical theorems out there they haven’t shown the rest of the world yet.

ACC Conference Plays of the Week

Okay, wait, that was wrong. I mean, that was all wrong. Maybe I should.... but I don’t know, this is already going south, I should probably not even... I mean, I know I’m a kicker, but.... ah screw it. Here’s your kick.”

[English announcer voice] Ohhh, and it’s all gone very wrong for Michigan State! [/]

Michigan State, a team that was in the playoff last year, attempted a fake field goal Saturday. Against Maryland. With two seconds left in the half. Maybe Mark Dantonio and Kirk Firentz should get together and discuss field goal strategy.

Employee of the Month of the Week

NCAA Football: Oklahoma at Texas Tech Michael C. Johnson-USA TODAY Sports

Patrick Mahomes, QB, Texas Tech

With all the spectacle the Big 12 has made about not actually expanding, you may have forgotten the league also decided against playing defense years ago. (Kansas, famously, does not play offense either.) When they’re not busy yanking our collective chains for more TV money, they’re amassing so much offense the Big 12 record book should just be a wiki. Patrick Mahomes passed for 734 yards (tying the FBS record) and five touchdowns, and gained 86 more yards and two more touchdowns on the ground, giving him an FBS record 800(!!!!) yards on the day.

The best part is, he thinks he could have done better. Technically, he’s right. He had 52 completions and 36 incompletions. Imagine cracking a millennium in one game. Mahomes is the closest there’s been, and Texas is still on the schedule. (Have fun with that, Charlie Strong!)