Can I just spend this week’s intro talking about how Georgia lost to Vanderbilt? And they lost because they couldn’t get one yard, on fourth and one, against Vanderbilt? I really just want to spend this week’s intro and more talking about that.
Duff’d It! Rankings, Week 7
5. Georgia. what in the hell happened here:
Georgia did all this - outgained their opponent by 250 yards, dominated time of possession, never turned the ball over - and lost. To Vanderbilt. On homecoming! This is the same Vandy team Georgia Tech beat by 31 points. So yes, Georgia fans, Tech fans are going to laugh vociferously at you for this. For the next six weeks, before you reach into our throats and rip out our hearts following Thanksgiving, as is tradition.
4. Miami. Look on the bright side, Canes. Your ACC championship game hopes are likely over after losing to North Carolina, but at least you have a start on filling out the cast for a Game of Thrones fan film. Shouldn’t have trouble finding a Daenerys lookalike in South Beach, either.
3. Virginia Tech. Damn it, Hokies, Frank Beamer didn’t die for this. Not to watch you give up 31 points and 561 yards to Syracuse for their first win against a ranked team in years. No, he died so you and Miami could meet in a prime time tire fire. Live, this Thursday, on ESPN!
2. Notre Dame. Brian Kelly appears to have taken issue with a Stanford coach bidding him farewell whilst walking off the field following the Irish’s loss to the Cardinal. Come on, Coach Kelly, he was probably just being polite! He probably wants to see you next year since you’re probably not going to a bowl game this year.
2. Michigan State. The Spartans were good once, right? We were all still singing their praises just as recently as.... uh, four weeks ago, when they beat.... okay, so it was Notre Dame and maybe they’re really just not good. Letting Northwestern set offensive records in your own home has you hovering dangerously near Perma-Duff’d! status, Sparty.
1. Tennessee. Lane Kiffin has ascended. Once the prince-kind of Duffing It, his life after being fired on the LAX tarmac has taken him on a legendary journey to troll coach nirvana.
Last week I advised Tennessee they were going to need to clear up their turnover issues if they wanted to have any chance against the Tide. They did, and still lost by 39 points. Nick Saban and Alabama are going to kill us all; join me in embracing the icy cold grip of death.
Honorable mention: Akron. You fools! What were you thinking, breaking an oar before playing Western Michigan? Your inadvisable act angered Fleckseidon, the ancient Greek god of boat rowing!
Bozo(s) of the Week: the Big 12. So after more than 100 days of “maybe we’re expanding, we’re not sure, but we’re contacting everyone we know just in case”, the Big 12 did...... nothing, ensuring we all do either do this same song and dance again in two years or watch the entire conference collapse. So thanks, Big 12. If we’d wanted to have our time wasted by you like that we’d just watch the Longhorn Network.
ACC Conference Plays of the Week
Some impressive slapstick from Rice to end the game pic.twitter.com/8Iggo9iD5q— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) October 16, 2016
The most dangerous thing about these new electric linemen is you can’t hear them coming.
I always thought the worst thing you could do on a kickoff return is commit a safety. This is actually worse, because Purdue even failed to do that.
Employee of the Month of the Week
Christian Wilkins, LB/everything, Clemson
In addition to having a terrifyingly effective offense (okay, usually, but NC State always disrupts things. They have some weird aura), Clemson also has a large man who can do seemingly everything. He can tackle guys and block kicks like you want from a linebacker, and he can catch passes - on the offense - and he can truck fools while carrying the ball with his entire 310 pounds. Clemson’s wide receivers have accepted him as one of their own. Wilkins is that guy at your high school who played, like, four positions, except this is college and he’s still doing that.