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Duff’d It! Rankings and Other Accolades: We are the butt of the storm


Lately, did you ever feel the pain/of the Wolverines/as they break all of your bones?

Hurricanes suck, but it’s not fun to write about that. The Duff’d It! Rankings are about football sucking. These things are going to intersect in a way I don’t want them to, aren’t they? Hold on, I’m gonna take a quick peek down below.

Aw, man.

Duff’d It! Rankings, Week 6

5. Stanford. Hey, Stanford was here last week too, weren’t they? Yeah, but California redwoods are really tall, so reducing one to splinters sometimes requires a second crack at it. The state of Washington, seeing that Stanford was still ranked after the Cardinal’s thrashing at the hands of the Huskies last week, sent Wazzu down to Palo Alto to finish the job. Stanford’s just a stump now after getting outscored 86-22 in consecutive weeks by both Washington schools.

4. Houston. Cougars, we thank you for doing your patriotic duty and jobbing to Navy, even though it torpedoed your playoff chances in the process. You made us all proud Americans, and you made the Academy proud football fans. And we got to see Ken Niumatalolo go crazy. Everyone was a winner. Except you guys, technically.

3. Miami. The U is back! Not, like, football-wise, because they lost to FSU, for the sixth straight year, on a blocked PAT. But when it came to throwing trash on the field, oh man, Canes fans were channeling their prime years.

2. Oregon. If you’ve ever wondered what unleashing twelve years of pent-up aggression looks like: it looks like this, with the opposing team’s quarterback sternly telling you, no, this time it is your turn to lose. Washington didn’t just end their losing streak against the Ducks Saturday, they set fire to the streak and used it to burn all of Oregon’s forests down. The Huskies scored ten touchdowns on Duck defensive coordinator Brady Hoke’s defense.

Speaking of.......

1. Rutgers. Brady Hoke’s former team scored 78 points this weekend! He had nothing to do with it, technically, though it would be safe to say it was only possible thanks to his absence. Michigan and Rutgers play every year, as they are division foes; a game like this made the Scarlet Knights look like they belonged in FCS. Michigan fans were seen embracing/consoling Rutgers fans when the Knights finally notched their first first down of the game.... with nine minutes remaining. This stopped being funny and started being sad real quick. And it might put the local Ruth’s Chris out of business. Let’s never talk about this game again.

Honorable Mention: UMass. Yep, there are still FBS vs. FCS games being played in week 6, and there are still upsets happening, as was the case with UMass and Old Dominion. Hey, did you remember Old Dominion moved up to FBS, like, three years ago? ‘Cause I didn’t.

You know, I seem to remember the state of Massachusetts doing a better job of handling Monarchs in the past. The Founding Fathers would be ashamed. ASHAMED, I say.

Bozo of the Week: Some combination of Jeremy Foley, Joe Alleva, and Greg Sankey. Yes, hurricanes are Big Nasty Things and on the whole more worrisome than whether or not a college football game gets played. But you’d think between this brain trust maaaaaaybe they’d be able to figure something out? LSU’s done this a bunch of times, after all, and the Tigers took in South Carolina for a game just last year. Florida on the other hand looked at all the options on the table and said “nah, we’re going to roll this car off the docks and collect the insurance money,” and everyone else just let them do it. The schools are still bickering about this in public, so if you like drama, boy, do we have a treat for you!

ACC Conference Plays of the Week

I really just wanted to post the entire NC State-Notre Dame game here, but apparently there’s something about “copyright” and “violating the sanctity of NCAA amateurism” so you’re just getting a gif of the worst botched flea flicker of all time. The wretched conditions this game was played in made it a treasure trove of ACCCPotW nominees; it was really hard to pick just one.

Okay, I couldn’t pick just one. Notre Dame’s last play of the game was whatever this is. They’re bad at football.

McCaffrey Watch

Of all the bad, dumb football things the Duff’d It! Rankings have brought to you over the past few years, McCaffrey Watch might have been the dumbest. Well, I’m finally putting a stop to it. After collecting just 40 yards on nine touches this week against Washington State, McCaffrey Watch is canceled. This is Ryan Nanni’s fault, somehow.

(He’ll probably get like 300 all-purpose yards next week against Notre Dame, too. Well it’s too late Christian I’m a free man and I can watch anyone I want to now. Jerk.)

McCaffrey yardage counter: WHO CARES IT’S OVER

Employee of the Month of the Week

NCAA Football: Texas at Oklahoma Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

Dede Westbrook, WR, Oklahoma

In a rivalry series known for being just a bit off the wall, a game where pretty much everything goes according to plan might be the most unpredictable thing of them all. Dede Westbrook caught ten passes for 232 yards and three touchdowns in what ended up being a pretty standard Big 12 game: lots of touchdowns, no defense, and Texas being left smartin’ about something. The Golden Hat can double as your EotMotW trophy, Dede Westbrook, assuming that nipple pinch distracts Emmanuel Beal enough to wrest it from his head.