So you’re going to a Tech game at home or on the road this fall? Or you bought season tickets for the first time and want to know what you’re getting yourself into? Well simply refer to this here handy, fanbase guide!
What team’s fans should you not bring small children around? Which fans are most likely to fight you for wearing Tech colors in Atlanta? Which fans are accommodating and will invite you to their tailgate? It’s all here, folks.
In it you will find all Power 5 teams we play this year ranked not on football performance, but on personal experiences with their fanbase…. Which is way more important when attending a game anyway.
Is this biased? Incredibly. It’s based entirely on experiencing all of these fan bases in person, with the personalities of friends who are fans of each team mixed in.
Is this funny and/or creative? Probably not, but I did try to eschew the general stereotypes. So, let’s talk about our 2015 opponents in descending order of repulsion!
Pitt – There’s not many of them, nor are they very threatening. They’re a fanbase that holds on to their prominence from decades ago, but revels in their own current mediocrity. They’re generally easy to get a long with and just happy to have someone to watch college football with. Probably the least "northern" of the northern teams in the ACC
Superlative: Woe is me, we might make a bowl, but we might not. Whatever. Pitt is Eeyore.
Clemson – They’re a fanbase on the fringe. They like to spell. Every year they might compete for a national or conference title, but they never quite make it. They embrace it though and are generally upbeat people who have a consistently good football team to be proud of. They’re my favorite opposing fanbase to have at Bobby Dodd because they travel well and will invite you to join their tailgates at Clemson in a heartbeat. Just be sure to remind them how their last few trips to Atlanta have gone.
Superlative: The 2nd fiddle, overly-optimistic guy who’s never quite the star. Clemson is Dwight Schrute.
UVA – I have to respect their commitment to suits in 90 degree heat in September. However, they’re a rather stuffy fanbase who don’t travel well and probably bring silverware to their home tailgates. Pinkies out, everyone.
Superlative: Comically pretentious, tailgates with wine and white tablecloths. UVA is Regina George
Duke – You know these people… Air of superiority, yet fully expect to choke every game they play. It’s a strange dichotomy that dwells inside the Duke fanbase. They had that one good season and are still a semi-dangerous football team, however they’re a small fan base who aren’t going to show up and tailgate. Is it basketball season yet? (1/2)
Superlative: Once prominent, now used for trolling and probably gonna let you down. Duke is Rick Astley. You know you want to click on that.
UNC – Fanbase of constantly disappointed people after seemingly 5 straight years as the preseason conference champion. Nice enough people who really love Maui Jims. Resist the urge to go up to them and congratulate them on the child they’re having since their tailgates look like baby showers. Is it basketball season yet? (2/2)
Superlative: Every year is "their year" only for it to instantly fall apart. UNC is Ted Mosby.
FSU – They are perhaps the best looking fanbase who we play this season… However, they only know how to sing one song once inside the stadium walls. They like to spell. They’re not Braves fans, lest you be misled. They’re a raucous bunch that are certain they could defeat the Cleveland Browns and are not generally open to logical, quiet discussions about anything. They’re also well aware the rest of the nation hates them, and terrifyingly, they seem to enjoy it.
Superlative: Evil empire built with a self-destruct switch. FSU is Darth Vader.
VT – Hokies are generally a well-traveling fanbase, but without a lot of recent success, their bandwagon has emptied. They’re our fellow "Tech" brethren, so it’s easy to find something in common if you run into them. The fanbase is on edge with a coach on the hotseat and a DC people keep trying to hire away, so they have a quick temper. Despite not going hunting on Saturdays in the fall, do not be surprised to hear turkey gobbles across campus. Do not fret, it’s only their mating call.
Superlative: Once decent but on their way to the basement. VT is Milton from Office Space
Notre Dame – They honestly believe they are God’s team. Despite their perennial 8-4ish record, their delusional fanbase will tell you they should’ve been in the playoff and would’ve beaten Ohio State. They also love, love the phrase "strength of schedule," despite not being able to apply it appropriately in an argument. Remember when they won the title back in *coughs*. They’re Catholic and ain’t got time for us southern Protestants. When leaving South Bend after a Tech victory this season, remind this salty bunch that Jesus loves them just as much as he loves Paul Johnson.
Superlative: Used to be a national power, now revels in previous glories. ND is Uncle Rico.
Miami – Do you like men in tank tops showing off their tribal tattoos? Would you like to be around the entire cast of Con-Air for a day? How many times have you ever heard someone say the word "bro," bro? Well welcome to the Hurricane fanbase. They’re all armed and will fight you, not in a gentlemanly way, but like shiv to the kidney kind of way. It is strongly advised that you don’t bring small children around them.
Superlative: No explanation necessary. Miami is Meathead Rob Lowe.
UGA – We’re not going to go with the traditional, drunk redneck stereotype, who wants to fight you just for wearing Tech colors at a Tech home game… that’s not necessarily the brunt of their fanbase, but only the most visible. We’ve all been to Athens; it’s a nice town most of the year. They like to spell. So, you know that out-of-place guy who’s like 32, hanging out in an Athens college bar and looks like he came off a golf course at 1am? He’ll be sitting next to you and yelling about how Richt needs to be fired after the first incomplete pass they throw. He’s never pleased. Should’ve called a run play instead of pass there and vice versa. Also, the refs are constantly conspiring against them and no one else. Refs are the reason for underachievement. Again, fire Richt.
Superlative: Instant, knee jerk over-reaction when something goes wrong. UGA is Chandler Bing
Feel free to print this handy guide for reference this fall. If anyone wants to quibble with my rankings and superlatives in the comments, I’ll fight you. This is science.