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Illuminati Picks: The SEC-SoCon Challenge is Unworthy

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FORTUNATELY THERE IS PLENTY OF GOOD FOOTBALL ELSEWHERE TO DISTRACT YOU

WE CREATED YOUR WARRIORS AND HEROES
WE CREATED YOUR WARRIORS AND HEROES

GREETINGS ONCE AGAIN EARTH HUMANS OF FROM THE RUMBLE SEAT GEORGIA TECH SPORTS BLOG.

OUR PLAN IS NEARING COMPLETION. EVERYTHING IS SLIDING INTO PLACE JUST AS WE HAD FORSEEN. THE PLAYOFF COMMITTEE FOOLISLY BELIEVES THEY CAN FORSEE THE FUTURE. THEY KNOW NOTHING. THEY WILL CRUMBLE BEFORE OUR MIGHT SOON ENOUGH.

ONLY A SELECT FEW OF YOU CONTINUE TO PARTICIPATE IN OUR AMUSING GAME. WE ARE IMPRESSED BY YOUR RESILIENCE.  YOU ARE VERY CLOSE TO THE END. AS ALWAYS, YOU CAN SEE THE RESULTS OF YOUR FLAWED PLEBIAN GUESSING HERE.

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (-2.5) @ Miami Hurricanes

Tech fans probably don't even want to watch this game. There won't be any Miami fans at Sun Life Stadium to watch this game, either. So I ask you this: if no one watches a college football game, did it really happen?

Illuminati Pick: Miami wins

#21 Memphis Tigers (-1.5) @ Temple Owls

Well, this is awkward. Memphis-Temple had the potential to be THE AAC matchup of the year with a New Year's Six bowl bid on the line. And then Memphis dropped consecutive games to Navy and Houston. And Temple lost to......... USF. So, uh.... at least Temple is technically still alive? A win punches their ticket to the AAC championship. But they still lost to USF.

Illuminati Pick: Temple wins

#15 LSU Tigers @ #22 Ole Miss Rebels (-6.5)

Oh, hey, there actually is an SEC matchup this weekend? Actually, there are four, but this is the only one worth a darn. It's the SEC Network special otherwise. Seriously, I was this close to not having a single SEC game on this week's slate. Anyway, this game is being played for second place in the SEC West. Unless Arkansas beats Mississippi State, in which case it'd still be them.

This game is pointless and will affect nothing. Actually, wait. Ole Miss is technically still alive, but they're depending on an Alabama loss to Auburn next week. So yeah, pointless.

Illuminati Pick: LSU wins

#24 USC Trojans @ #23 Oregon Ducks (-4.5)

This game is an incredible intersection of emotions. Both the Trojans and the Ducks are simultaneously ranked, playing for a division title, and disappointing, which would still be incredible if it was just one of the teams. Unfortunately for the loser, they'll only be one of those things after the game, while the winner..... will still be all of those things. Including disappointing.

Illuminati Pick: Oregon covers

#20 Northwestern Wildcats @ #25 Wisconsin Badgers (-10)

Oh, uh, hey Northwestern. How did you get this far while still being ranked? That's not supposed to happen. Well, here, go fight some badgers. Let us know how you're doing once that's done.

Illuminati Pick: Wisconsin wins but does not cover

#10 Baylor Bears @ #6 Oklahoma State Cowboys (-1)

For once, something in college football has actually gone as planned. The two Oklahoma schools play the two top Texas schools in a double main event that's probably going to clear up most of the Big 12 race. Jarrett Stidham showed some freshman nerves last week against OU, and now he has to put that behind him as the Bears travel to Stillwater to face the unbeaten Cowboys. Whatever happens, it's probably going to be awesome.

Illuminati Pick: Oklahoma State covers

#18 TCU Horned Frogs @ #7 Oklahoma Sooners (even)

Meanwhile, 80 miles south in Norman, Trevone Boykin and the Horned Frogs face an equally unfriendly environment against Oklahoma. An inexplicable loss to Texas keeps the Sooners from being unbeaten, but it might not matter to the playoff committee if they can put away TCU. Don't hold me responsible to your devices/household/whatever if you decide to put this and the previous game on simultaneously. There might be explosions everywhere. You've been warned.

Illuminati Pick: OU wins

Boston College Eagles vs. #4 Notre Dame Fighting Irish (-15.5)

Boston College - Notre Dame is the only series in FBS played between Catholic schools. It's a big game for both schools, so this game is being moved from BC's home stadium, which seats 44,500, to Fenway Park, which.... seats less than 38,000. Um, hey guys? That's fewer people.

Well, I guess it's at least good for the Eagles to have a showcase game in downtown Boston... If you ignore the fact they're dressing up Fenway to look like a Notre Dame home game. Yeah, that's happening.

Illuminati Pick: Notre Dame wins but does not cover

California Golden Bears @ #11 Stanford Cardinal (-11)

We've finally reached 2015's Big Game, where "Big" is still technically true depending on how you want to define the word. Stanford can punch its ticket to the Pad-12 championship game with a win, whereas Cal is just looking to ruin Stanford's season. Be honest, you're just going to watch to see what Stanford's band does.

Illuminati Pick: Stanford covers

#9 Michigan State Spartans @ #3 Ohio State Buckeyes (-13.5)

Sparty has one last chance to throw the system into chaos, likely launching itself into the Big Ten title game at the same time. (That's contingent upon them also beating Penn State next week, but let's take things one step at a time, okay?) But really, who wants to face Iowa in Indianapolis? You shouldn't even bother trying, Spartans.

Illuminati Pick: Ohio State wins but does not cover