♫ IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIIIIIIME OF THE YEARRRRRRR ♫
Ahem. Sorry. I'm not getting into the Christmas spirit early. Christmas season doesn't start until you've been horribly humiliated by your rival the weekend of Thanksgiving. No, I'm merrily celebrating 2015's week of CHAOS. That's the week where all the top ten teams lose and you stay up until 2:30 watching UCLA lose to Washington State. It is America's finest tradition.
Duff'd It! Rankings, Week 11
5. Utah. The Utes were the newcomer in the Pac-12. Rising from mid-major status, they came to shake up the establishment, man. They'd already beaten Alabama in a Sugar Bowl. Now they were going to show everyone they could win it all. And then USC told them to know their role and shut their mouth.
And then Arizona kicked them when they were down, just because.
4. Baylor. The Bears attempted to do many weird things against Oklahoma on Saturday, including a trick play kickoff featuring a drop kick and throwing a touchdown pass to a 410 pound golem. What did OU defensive tackle Matt Dimon think about all that?
Hmm. I'm not going to interpret his lip reading for y'all, but I will say it was not Baptist friendly.
The Bears ended up losing by ten, definitely due to the power of hurtful words, and not because Jarred Stidham is a true freshman making his second start.
3. LSU. If there's anything you should remember about this series, it's that given the opportunity Arkansas will upset a much better LSU team for absolutely no reason. Last year, it was LSU losing 17-0 and giving Bert his first SEC victory. This year, it's losing by 17 at home and giving the Razorbacks the tiebreaker for second place in the SEC West. (It's true, check the standings.) Stop strumming that banjo in the middle of the woods, LSU. In fact, just set the banjo on fire.
2. Temple. Okay, Owls, all you needed to do to book a trip to the AAC championship was beat USF on Saturday. A USF team that was 9-27 from 2012-14. A USF team what was looking forward to beating hapless UCF next week to earn bowl eligibility.
Look, I'm not gonna beat around the bush here, Temple. You Temple'd this. You Temple'd this badly.
1. Boise State. You can trust the Mountain West to have a certain level of consistency. Air Force will run the ball a lot and challenge for the conference championship. The best teams will eventually leave the conference. And Boise State will dominate everything. See, we've paid them zero mind all year and oh my god what in the sweet blue hell happened here?
How does this happen? Against New Mexico?? This result doesn't make sense even after looking at the box score. (The Broncos outgained the Lobos by 238 yards!) I can't trust you with anything, Mountain West.
Honorable mention: Stanford. Not even Pac-12 refs could save Stanford on Saturday, as the Cardinal's playoff hopes were torpedoed by Oregon, who was secretly working with Arizona the whole time to keep the Pac-12 out of the playoff entirely. According to America's most trusted news source, this is the sixth time in the past seven years either the Cardinal or the Ducks have eliminated the other from national title contention. Stanford and Oregon are college football's Spy vs. Spy.
ACC Conference Plays of the Week
"YOU LIED TO ME, BENCH! I TRUSTED YOU AND YOUR STUPID PUNTING ADVICE AND LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!"
Okay, here comes the ball and oh no oh no
okay I can fix this here I'm just going to set the ball like this and wait he didn't kick it oh no oh no
okay fine I'm just going to run with it I can do this I'm going to be the big hero against Ohio State I can just OH NOOOOOOOOO
Employee of the Month of the Week
DeAndre Washington, RB, Texas Tech
Texas Tech is coached by the world's most handsomest college football coach, and his football team.... well, okay, the team is 6-5 and their defense has a face only a mother could love. But their offense? Cest tres magnifique. DeAndre Washington strode like a gazelle 27 times for 248 yards and three touchdowns, and even caught four passes for 36 yards, keeping his stat of 9 yards per touch intact.
So congratulations, DeAndre Washington! Now, can you please tell coach Kingsbury to call us back? Please?