clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Illuminati Picks: There's a Fire in Waco

New, comments

WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE. REALLY. WE PROMISE. THAT SORT OF MINUTIAE IS BELOW US.

WE DON'T CONTROL BEARS. THOSE THINGS SCARE US.
WE DON'T CONTROL BEARS. THOSE THINGS SCARE US.

(Editor's note: the council is too hungover after yesterday's Techmo Bowl to give you a weekly greeting. You have found this informative and accept the apology.)

Georgia Bulldogs @ Auburn Tigers (-1.5)

Deep South's Oldest Rivalry. This is the dream matchup CBS has been waiting for all season, pitting two SEC Championship and playoff hopefuls together....

//looks at stat sheet

Yeah, these two teams are a combined 11-7. That's what happens when regular humans try to plan college football.

Illuminati pick: Auburn covers

#21 Memphis Tigers @ #24 Houston Cougars (-7)

Memphis bricked their game against Navy last week, ruining a potential matchup between AAC undefeateds. That said, Memphis-Houston is still 1) potentially for a New Year's Six bowl bid, and 2) going to be hella awesome. Consider watching this game your civic duty.

Illuminati pick: Houston covers

#2 Alabama Crimson Tide (-8) @ #17 Mississippi State

Last year the Tide topped the #1 Bulldogs to end their undefeated season and their championship hopes. Yes, last year took place in Bizarro land. Other than Bama winning, of course. Things have been switched back to their rightful positions this year, one of a very few number of examples of normalcy in this season of college football. The only thing that stays the same is Bama winning. Bama always wins.

Illuminati pick: Alabama covers

Minnesota Golden Gophers @ #5 Iowa Hawkeyes (-11.5)

Iowa is still undefeated. Have you talked to your kids about undefeated Iowa yet? It can be difficult. Fortunately, there are several resources available to you to prepare yourself to have "the talk".

Illuminati pick: Iowa covers

Arkansas Razorbacks @ #9 LSU Tigers (-7.5)

This is a rivalry game. Kind of. If you asked, most LSU and Arkansas fans would say it doesn't feel like a rivalry game. They added a trophy in 1996 to give it a more rivalry-y feel. But not much has changed. Besides, in the 1910s, 20s, and 30s, this game was played in Shreveport. Any series voluntarily played there is automatically disqualified from holding rivalry status.

Illuminati pick: LSU covers

BYU Cougars (-7) @ Mizzou Tigers

This game is being played in Kansas City instead of Columbia, because.... BYU fans are really excited about traveling to Missouri for a football game, I guess? Mizzou has designated this game a white out, which seems strange given 1) white isn't even a school color, and 2) that whole, you know, race thing that's been going on. It's not a bad idea in a vacuum. But the timing could have been a bit better, maybe?

Illuminati pick: Mizzou wins

Washington State Cougars @ #19 UCLA Bruins (-10.5)

Washington State is bowl eligible. Bowl eligible Washington State. It just feels weird to say. It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. Oh, right, they're playing a game. Beating UCLA keeps the Cougars' outside chances of winning the Pac-12 North alive. It's probably not happening.

Illuminati pick: UCLA wins but does not cover

Oregon Ducks @ #7 Stanford Cardinal (-10)

Despite losing a conference game by 42 points earlier in the season, the Ducks are also technically still alive in the Pac-12 North. A Cardinal win here will clinch the division, however. Do trees fall on ducks? We're going to find out. (But yeah, probably.)

Illuminati pick: Oregon wins

#12 Oklahoma Sooners @ #6 Baylor Bears (-2.5)

Baylor ain't played nobody so far this season, but they've had no issue eviscerating all that nobody on their schedule. Now they begin a three game gauntlet of Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, and TCU. And at the end, if they can get through all that, they still have to face.... oh, nevermind, it's just Texas. So they'll get a breather.

Illuminati pick: Baylor covers