GREETINGS EARTH CITIZENS. THIS WEEK OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL HAS BEEN ONE OF THE MOST GLORIOUS IN RECENT MEMORY, TUESDAY NIGHT FUNBELT ACTION INCLUDED. THE COUNCIL FEELS WE WOULD BE REMISS IN NOT ALLOWING YOU ALL TO PICK TONIGHT'S GAME BETWEEN UCLA AND STANFORD. THUS, WE ARE RELEASING THIS PICK TO YOU EARLY. THAT'S THE GREAT PART ABOUT CONTROLLING THE WORLD: WE GET TO MAKE UP THE RULES.
THE REMAINDER OF THIS WEEK'S PICKS WILL BE RELEASED TO YOU ALL TOMORROW, AS PER USUAL.
#18 UCLA Bruins @ #15 Stanford Cardinal (-6.5)
Bears vs. trees? That's the latest Old Spice campaign, isn't it? Stanford has a seven game winning streak over the Bruins, including in back to back weeks in 2012, where the Cardinal won in Los Angeles to win the Pac 12 North and the right to host the championship game vs. the Pac 12 South champs.... UCLA. People were very excited for the rematch. Stanford has crushed the Bruins during most of their current winning streak, but this is college football, so you neeeeever knooooooow.
I hope halftime features another deodorant brand battle between Terry Crews and Isiah Mustafa.
Illuminati pick: UCLA wins.