Duff'd It! Rankings and other Accolades, Week 11

There's a winter chill in the air again, and that can only mean one thing: more teams are realizing they won't be playing in January. After all, DERP does not lose its leaves in the winter; it is evergreen.

Duff'd It! Rankings, Week 11

5. Iowa. The Hawkeyes scored six minutes into their game vs. Minnesota and again with fourteen seconds remaining. In between those touchdowns, the Gophers killed them, dragged their corpse to a taxidermist, had it stuffed, and scored 51 points on it. This is a slight exaggeration, but the point here is Iowa died on Saturday. Multiple times.

4. Northwestern. Somewhere, near Chicago, a horrible college game was being played. It was a Big Ten game that involved Michigan and Northwestern. 43,000 people were rendered comatose as a direct result of attending this game, in which neither team scored until there were six minutes remaining in the third quarter. This game ended, appropriately, when Northwestern scored with three minutes remaining and, instead of kicking the PAT and forcing overtime, went for two. His quarterback fell on his butt. That's how the game ended. (There were three seconds remaining, so it actually ended on the ensuing kickoff, but come on.)

On it's face, it seems like an indefensibly horrid call - go for two instead of a tie and overtime?? - but Wildcats coach Pat Fitzgerald knew what he was doing: sparing America from more of this game. Let's never talk about this game ever again.

3. Notre Dame. Arizona State raced out to a 34-3 lead over the Irish on Saturday. Rudy cried. Then Notre Dame roared back, scoring four unanswered touchdowns to bring the score to 34-31 in the fourth quarter. Rudy smiled. Then Arizona scored three touchdowns in the final four and a half minutes. Sometime during that, Rudy was flagged for being offside. Probably.

2. Oklahoma. "Hey, Bob, we should poke this bear!"

OU Coach Bob Stoops: I don't know, that seems dangerous. Bears can bet pretty angry.

"Come ooooooon, Bob, don't be a wuss! Do it!"

Stoops: Well, okay....

//Bob Stoops pokes bear, goes up 14-3

//Baylor bear wakes up and mauls OU for 45 unanswered points and 544 yards

1. Auburn. Y'all all thought Auburn had been #blessed by God himself, didn't ya? Well, it turns out Gus Malzahn made a deal with the devil instead to make it to last season's BCS Championship game, and he came to collect on Saturday during the Tigers' game vs Texas A&M. He too giveth and taketh away, and after giving Auburn two of the most incredible plays in college football history last year gave the ball to the Aggies on Auburn's final drive to win the game.... twice. Playing with the devil is a zero-sum game, Gus. Law of thermodynamics and all that jazz. Learn yourself.

Honorable mention: LSU. "Y'all Tiger lilies think you're all hot stuff well lemme tell you what y'all ain't played the Lord's team the Alabama Crimson Tide JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF DESCENDED FROM HEAVEN TO PUSH THAT SQUIB KICK OUT OF BOUNDS YOU GET WHAT YOU DESERVE YOU PURPLE-CLAD HEATHENS ROLL TIDE"

ACC Conference Plays of the Week

Ahh, the DeSean Jackson. A classic football blunder, with an added bonus! Unlike the Cowboys in 2008, Oregon realized the ball was dropped before Utah's Kaelin Clay reached the endzone and before the referee blew the whistle, so the Ducks picked it up and returned it for a touchdown. That's a 14 point swing on one play, which would be a difference maker in a lot of games..... but this is Oregon, and the Ducks ended up winning by 24, so I feel safe in saying this merely accelerated the inevitable.

The Wolverines paid tribute to the very first Duff'd It! Rankings ever posted on this site, and I couldn't be more proud to be honored by such a shitshow of a storied team. Football is still hard. It's harder when Brady Hoke is your coach.

Employee of the Month of the Week

Luke Falk, QB, Washington State

Be honest, you thought Wazzu's season would tailspin after losing starting quarterback Connor Halliday in their game against USC. Nothing could be further from the truth! Mostly because they had already tailspun at that point, but still. It turns out Mike Leach's swashbuckling offense is plug-n-play, as Luke Falk stepped in and didn't miss a beat: 44 for 61 passing, for 471 yards, 5 touchdowns, and a two point conversion, which accounts for roughly....

//shakes abacus

....a third of a touchdown. So 5 1/3 touchdowns overall. So congratulations, Luke Falk! Your school is now the first to have two EotMotW winners from the same position in the same year. I think. I'm not exactly keeping solid records of this.

-"What about last week?"

uhhhh

that doesn't count

because

shut up I make the rules here