Ugh, you guys. I had the best intro for this week's rankings. It was going to be the Citizen Kane of Duff'd It! Ranking introductions. And then some ref had to go and flag me for pass interference. The world's greatest introductory paragraph, wiped out by a little yellow towel. So now, instead of that, you all have to have this one. Sorry, guys. ACC referees ruin everything.
Duff'd It! Rankings, week 8
5. Oklahoma. OU dipped, doinked, and derped their way to a 31-30 loss against the immortal Bill Snyder and his slightly more mortal Wildcat team thanks to two missed field goals and a blocked PAT. It just goes to show: sometimes the best duffing is a classic duffing
(Meanwhile, Texas, the losers of last week's Red River Shootout, made a last second field goal to leave Iowa State to rest.... in.... peace. I'm starting to think the Derp is a transferable curse.)
4. Oklahoma State. It's the Oklahoma Two-Step! Like the Texas Two-Step, except no one has heard nor cares about it. The Cowboys rolled into Fort Worth with pistols loaded and having scored 23 touchdowns on the season and..... left Fort Worth in mostly the same state. Whereas OU Duff'd It in the basic "miss all your crucial kicks" manner, the Cowboys went for the full "offensive ineptitude" Duff, being outgained by TCU by more than 400 yards and completing as many passes in the second half as you did, sitting on your couch. And given that TCU blew a double digit fourth quarter lead to lose last week.... maybe I am on to something with this Curse of the Duff....
3. Baylor. The hills are alive
with the sound of the 'Neers
for a thousand years
2. Texas A&M. Good gods, Aggies, not only did you lose 59-0, you did that against Alabama, a team whose offense is run by Lane Kiffin. YOU MADE LANE KIFFIN LOOK LIKE AN ABSOLUTE GENIUS WHAT KIND OF MONSTERS ARE YOU? This is only going to accelerate Kiffin's rate of falling-up-ness, culminating in him ascending to the head coaching position at Texas A&M in 2017. Don't give me that look, Aggies, you're the one who set this in motion.
1. Florida. David Lynch has made films less opaque than the Mizzou-Florida box score. Florida lost a game 42-13 where it outgained its opponent 283 yards to 119. Yes, Mizzou gained 119 yards and scored 42 points in a real game of football, because Florida played the biggest, dumbest Big Dumb Will Muschamp Football game plan of all time, which went like this:
- give Mizzou the ball
- let them score
Florida turned the ball over six times and combined that with having zero interest in, like, playing any coverage on special teams. Mizzou scored its five touchdowns in all of the following ways:
- a 96 yard kickoff return
- an actual offensive touchdown
- an 82 yard punt return
- a fumble return
- an interception return
Mizzou quarterback Maty Mauk finished the day 6 for 18 passing for a total of 20 yards. Twenty. He could have spent the entire game spiking the ball and achieved essentially the same result. This may have been one of the worst games of college football ever played, and I'm not sure how (if?) Gator fans managed to watch this game to the end without clawing their eyes out. Fire Puncho, Florida, before he leads your entire fan base to suicide.
Honorable mention: Florida again. Seriously, that was enough duffing for maybe the rest of the year.
ACC Conference Plays of the Week
Hey ref, think fast!
HAH. Too slow. Way to catch the ball with your face, loser.
Hey, Alex Collins, think fast!
LOL, next time keep your eye on the ball, NERD.
Hey guys check this out I'm going to prank out our RB by throwing the ball at his face-
WHAT THE HELL MAN THAT WAS TOTALLY NOT COOL
Employee of the Month of the Week
Devontae Booker, RB, Utah
UNC's Marquise Williams made the short list for this week - completing 38 of 47 passes for 390 yards and four touchdowns - but it was against Georgia Tech's defense, so that's not really that impressive. LALALALALA SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU
Enter Devontae Booker, who rushed for 229 yards and three touchdowns in Utah's victory over Oregon State on Thursday night and further cemented the idea that home field advantage in the Pac-12 is a total myth. So congratulations, Devontae! Please take this award and keep your team far, far away from Atlanta.