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Duff'd It! Rankings and other Accolades, Week 7


Take a wild guess as to how the Red River Shootout went for Texas.

Oh. Hey. Didn't see you there. Sorry, it's just..... you ever feel like you're just on top of the world? The past few years, you know, something or everything has gone wrong, and by December you're waiting for a new year, a fresh start, only for the cycle to repeat again. But then one year... things are different. Everything is going your way. Nothing can stop you from achieving your dream. You know?

...And then you lose to Duke, and you realize everything sucks again and is the same as it always was. Yeah.

Duff'd It! Rankings, week 7

5. Georgia Tech. Beat Virginia Tech: check. Beat Miami: check. Beat Duke..... well hey, Yellow Jackets, it looks like you're holding the #goacc dream alive this week! Between bad refereeing, bad penalties, and bad turnovers, you made losing to Duke look easy and did nothing to help dispel the stupid wish that everyone in the ACC Coastal will finish 4-4. It's just like they say: it's hard to win when it's 30 on 0.

4. Florida. When Florida got to the LSU 2, down 27-24 with 2:08 remaining, you thought to yourself, "wow, Florida might pull this one off!" And they didn't, but they did get the field goal to tie things up. And then, when Florida got the ball back with 54 seconds left, you thought, "this is it! Jeff Driskel is going to lead the Florida Gators to victory!"

....hah. No, you didn't. You knew he was going to throw an interception that cost the Gators the game. We all knew.

3. Arizona. Out on the west coast, they have a saying: rankings are dumb, and home field advantage isn't a thing. The Wildcats missed three field goals to lose to USC 28-26, becoming the lastest Pac-12 team to be upset and/or humiliated at home as a top-20 team. Researchers who have been monitoring the situation over the last few weeks are considering it to be an outbreak of Duff'ditis. They say it's not contagious as long as you don't keep close contact, which is good for conferences that aren't the Pac-12. If you are the Pac-12, though? Panic.

2. Mizzou. You laughed, Tigers - rightfully - when the news came down that your opponent would not be playing their top offensive weapon. You cried - unendingly - when that opponent pasted you anyway, because screw your feelings. Georgia, down to their fourth and fifth string tailbacks, only ran for... 210 yards, 208 of which came from those two tailbacks. I think the Bulldogs are growing tailbacks in a secret lab somewhere in rural Georgia. When their tailbacks weren't busy, their defense was punishing Maty Mauk for simply existing, limiting him to 97 passing yards and intercepting him four times. But don't worry! I'm prescribing you a dose of Florida, and that should clear your problems right up.

1. Texas. Hey coach strong, how do you feel your first trip to Dallas went?

Ahh. That bad, huh? Well, in a sport that makes as little sense as college, the Red River Shootout is still wayyyyy below average. I'm looking forward to seeing a 1-4 Longhorn team upset the #8 ranked Sooners next year!

Honorable mention: Vanderbilt. Amidst all the high-octane and high impact games played elsewhere in the SEC this weekend, y'all juuuuuuust barely squeaked out a win over FCS Charleston Southern. Thought you could slip by unnoticed, eh, Commodores? Unfortunately for you, nothing escapes the watchful eye of the Duff'd It! Illuminati.

Oh, sure, I can already hear you complaining. "But we beat Charleston Southern!" Yeah, and that's why you're just the honorable mention. Not bad enough to make the rankings proper, not good enough to avoid shame. You're in college football purgatory, Vanderbilt, and this season is only going to get worse for you.

ACC Conference Plays of the Week

As if Texas didn't have enough trouble against Oklahoma on Saturday, they had to deal with a football that was COVERED IN SPIDERS OH GOD GET IT AWAY FROM ME AGGHGHGGHHD;DFDJSD;LF

Meanwhile, in Starkville, Auburn offensive coordinator Rhett Lashlee be sliding into your DMs like

(He was calling for a time out, and got it, as well as the ire of the sideline judge.)

Employee of the Month of the Week

Bryce Petty, QB, Baylor

Y'all thought the only shootout in Texas this Saturday was in Dallas? Hell no, TCU and Baylor brought their Remingtons to Waco to pick up where the Sooners and Longhorns left off. Until Bryce Petty pulled out his Javelin missile launcher and blew the Horned Frogs away, that is. Petty threw for 510 yards and six touchdowns on a 28/55 passing day, including three in a six minute span in the fourth quarter to tie the game and set the Bears up for the winning field goal.

So congratulations, Bryce Petty! We took your shiny gold helmet and used it to make your EotMotW medal. You probably still needed that helmet, didn't you? Sorry about that....