Every year Capital One puts on a mascot challenge. There's typically a random collective of goofy-ass mascots running around in commercials leading up to their bowl game. The winner of the competition is determined by popular vote. However, I'm proposing a new way to determine mascot superiority. It involves three rubrics and excludes imaginary mascots (dragons, sun devils, etc.), natural phenomena (hurricanes/cyclones/crimson tide), and human mascots (because they're usually Midwestern nicknames and incredibly boring).
The three rubrics are:
1) FIT RATING: If this mascot were placed in a cage with a man, how many times out of 100 would the man be lunch/trampled/kaput? The more dangerous the mascot, the better.
2) UNI RATING: How unique is this animal name in Division I-A athletics? If you're a Tiger fan, don't expect to score high here.
3) ECO RATING: And in an eco-friendly-green-hippy-Al-Gore-save-the-earth move, how environmentally conscious is this mascot? Is it a non-native species that wouldn't survive the winters of Ohio? Is it an invasive species? Higher points are rewarded to teams that select native, endangered/threatened species.
And finally, here are the tabulations. Use this chart in the future if you're ever in a bind in picking between two evenly matched squads in CFB bowl pick 'em stuff or even for next year's March Madness. The best animal mascots in Division I-A football:
The three rubrics are:
1) FIT RATING: If this mascot were placed in a cage with a man, how many times out of 100 would the man be lunch/trampled/kaput? The more dangerous the mascot, the better.
2) UNI RATING: How unique is this animal name in Division I-A athletics? If you're a Tiger fan, don't expect to score high here.
3) ECO RATING: And in an eco-friendly-green-hippy-Al-Gore-save-the-earth move, how environmentally conscious is this mascot? Is it a non-native species that wouldn't survive the winters of Ohio? Is it an invasive species? Higher points are rewarded to teams that select native, endangered/threatened species.
And finally, here are the tabulations. Use this chart in the future if you're ever in a bind in picking between two evenly matched squads in CFB bowl pick 'em stuff or even for next year's March Madness. The best animal mascots in Division I-A football:
