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ACCCG Open Thread - Mystery Bowden Theater 3000

Bobby: The ACC Championship? Never heard of that before, eh Tommy?
Tommy: Yes, I have. [sobs a litte]
Terry: You guys are jokers. I coached in the SEC...Now, no one will even interview me.

Tommy: Terry, you've never won when your players weren't on the take.
Terry: Tommy, how 'bout you go recruit some kids? Oh wait. You can't, you don't have a job!
Bobby: When did this whole ACC Championship begin? I remember when football was played on a grid and helmets were optional.

Tommy: Dad, you coached in the 2005 ACC Championship. And North Alabama is not a job. You're like Jerry Glanville - an exiled has been that never was.
Bobby: Oh yes 2005, did we beat Clemson bad that year? I remember Charlie Ward running wild that season and Deion was like a fox in the hen house.
Terry: I bet I could win 20 games as Clemson's head coach this season. Dabo sucks.
Tommy: You're an idiot. That's impossible.
Terry: You're a cry baby.
Tommy: [tears start to form]

Terry: If you were to take Spurrier's winning experience, Paul Johnson's offensive mind, and Dad's NFL talent, you'd be replicating my tenure at Auburn. It was like looking in to the face of God and having him smile down on you and shout, "You are my finest creation!"
Bobby: Steve Spurrier just won the Heisman. He hasn't really done much else, son. I think Dabo's up the creek with a chicken wire canoe.
Tommy: I bet 25 dollars that I get a I-A coaching job before either of you.
Bobby: I bet 250 dollars that Florida State never returns to Ol' Bobby Bowden level football. I'm thinkin' Tallahassee will return to its natural state like it was in 1975: a bunch of liquor stores, whore houses, and swamp land. It's like they say, "You gotta bait the cow to catch the calf."

Tommy: If they had let me coach one more season, I'd be coaching right here against Georgia Tech. I may lose by a couple points but I'd still be there. This game is getting me so emotional. I just wanna go out there and pat guys on the shoulder pads and appear emotionless in a post-game interview - that really gets the media fired up. I wanna spend 5 hours every morning before kickoff combing my fine, silver bama bangs.
Terry: This is just sad.
Bobby: [pops Terry and Tommy with a rolled up newspaper] You boys are done with football. Your ride on my coattails is over. Ever heard of Patrick Ewing, Jr. or Jeffrey Jordan? Exactly. Let's just move on with our lives and take a trip to Europe. Teach some frog-eaters and tea-drinkers how to toss the pig skin.
Terry/Tommy In Unison: You got it dad!