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Animal Mascots Ranked by Uniqueness, Cage-Fighting Skills, and Eco-Friendliness

Every year Capital One puts on a mascot challenge. There's typically a random collective of goofy-ass mascots running around in commercials leading up to their bowl game. The winner of the competition is determined by popular vote. However, I'm proposing a new way to determine mascot superiority. It involves three rubrics and excludes imaginary mascots (dragons, sun devils, etc.), natural phenomena (hurricanes/cyclones/crimson tide), and human mascots (because they're usually Midwestern nicknames and incredibly boring).

The three rubrics are:

1) FIT RATING: If this mascot were placed in a cage with a man, how many times out of 100 would the man be lunch/trampled/kaput? The more dangerous the mascot, the better.
2) UNI RATING: How unique is this animal name in Division I-A athletics? If you're a Tiger fan, don't expect to score high here.
3) ECO RATING: And in an eco-friendly-green-hippy-Al-Gore-save-the-earth move, how environmentally conscious is this mascot? Is it a non-native species that wouldn't survive the winters of Ohio? Is it an invasive species? Higher points are rewarded to teams that select native, endangered/threatened species.

And finally, here are the tabulations. Use this chart in the future if you're ever in a bind in picking between two evenly matched squads in CFB bowl pick 'em stuff or even for next year's March Madness. The best animal mascots in Division I-A football:

Chartan_medium

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Classic Bird post

This is some good shit—-a few observations:
1) I love the catch-all categories of horse and cow
2) The Bulldog ranks near the bottom, which is always true
3) Images that cracked me up: Bird going MMA in the octagon with a terrapin, duck, or horned frog

Maker's Mark--nectar of the gods...

by chrisinindy on Aug 8, 2009 12:55 PM EDT reply actions  

Just the beginning

Very good. I look forward to rankings of colors, logos, fight songs, etc.

by White and Goldrick on Aug 8, 2009 7:30 PM EDT reply actions  

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