Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f***ing Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. - Clark Griswold

Oh my god, I shot my eye out! - Ralphie Parker

I promise I will never even THINK about going up in a tall building again. Oh, God. Please don't let me die. - John McClane

Ray: You think there's a connection between this Vigo character and the... slime?
Egon: Is the atomic weight of cobalt 58.9?

You've got a program featuring America's favorite old fart. Reading a book in front of a fireplace. Now, I have to kill all of you. - Frank Cross