Hunting Hawkeyes with the Natives: Part I
Winfield and myself devised an interesting way to get to know the deep, dark secrets of the Hawkeye fans and team without having to consult Hawkeyes directly. We saw the idea on The Rivalry, Esquire so it's not totally original but still pretty cool. We're reaching out to the rivals of our upcoming opponent in an effort to gain more knowledge. It's the old proverb "the enemy of my enemy is my friend."
The first response came from the Minnesota blogger, Gopher Nation from the Daily Gopher. He equates the Hawkeyes to the state's pseudo-pro team. The one team that unifies the entire Iowan populace:
First of all there is nothing else in Iowa (nothing). All they have is Hawkeye football and wrestling (yeah, wrestling). So they are VERY hyper-sensitive about their team. For instance, if you were to suggest that Paul Johnson is a really good coach and his system may present problems for the Hawkeyes. They'll hear that you are saying Kirk Ferentz is the worst coach in DI and is allegedly a child molester. They cheer for the Cubs, Vikings, Twins, etc. But those teams are not THEIR teams like the Hawkeyes are.
Wow, I think we've dealt with that directly on this blog whenever we mentioned the Hawkeye offense's struggles. Hypersensitive is a good way to put it.
We then asked Gopher Nation to highlight some interesting stories and tidbits about the Hawkeyes so that we could get to know the fans a little bit better:
Last year at the Metrodome two Hawkeye fans had sex in a bathroom stall. The woman was married, the dude had a girlfriend. They met at the dome and got busted banging in the stall. This has been a staple for getting Iowa fans worked up. Orange Bowl officials really should be made aware of this trend and be prepared.
That is the definition of an awkward story if I've ever heard one. Wow is all I can say... Apparently, the Minnesotans have even developed a cheer for Iowa similar to the Good Word:
The chant Gopher fans have is someone yells, "Who hates Iowas?" And everyone responds, "We hate Iowa." But I think that is pretty much a Minnesota thing.
Poetic, to say the least. Another interesting tidbit Gopher Nation mentioned was that Hayden Fry had the Iowa visiting locker room painted pink including the urinals:
The apparent goal according to Fry:
One thing we didn't paint black and gold was the stadium's visitors locker room, which we painted pink. It's a passive color, and we hoped it would put our opponents in a passive mood. Also, pink is often found in girls' bedrooms, and because of that some consider it a sissy color.
We don't need no stinkin' political correctness in Iowa! In closing the Gopher blogger mentioned that he wanted Iowa to win for the Big 10. So he didn't hate on Iowa the whole time, just 99% of the time.
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STFU rodents..
or we’ll take your goal posts again!

Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Dec 21, 2009 10:33 AM EST reply actions
video w/"In Heaven there is no beer"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnUoQZUAdvA
might be the best video on the site
Luck is probability taken personally, clutch is probability attributed to individuals.
by shake n bake on Dec 21, 2009 7:41 PM EST up reply actions
Am I missing something?
Where’s the bar charts, tables, sundry differential statistics? Without a pie chart or two this post is lame. I expect better from the nerd herd at GT. C’mon guys, step up your game.
by Stay thirsty, my friends. on Dec 21, 2009 10:47 AM EST reply actions
Well, in our defense:
Gopher fans might be the most joyless bunch of people on the face of the planet. Because they live in Minnesota you see. Also, they haven’t scored on the Iowa defense in two calendar years.
Black and Gold Blood: Cubbie Blue Heart
Follow me on Twitter: @MattLaCasse
While EVERYONE from Iowa scores in/on Minnesota
The only detail omitted from the Metrodome story is the fact that Iowa was up 55-0 on the LOLphers at the time. Proving that the only place it is easier to score than in the bathroom is on the field against minnesota.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
very true
what you say here can, and will, be used against you
by GopherNation on Dec 22, 2009 11:04 AM EST up reply actions
He Also Forgot that Iowa has 2 stadiums
Kinnick and Kinnick North. Having sex in the stalls at Kinnick North was a fitting way to cap off the 55-0 victory over the Gophers and to say goodbye to the Metrodome.
Ok, This required me to create a sign in.
First of all this is a very interesting idea. I also have enjoyed the content on the site.
However, taking any information from this gopher as a credible source for how iowa fans are is absurd.
Gopher fans would be lucky to be able to count to the total points that Iowa scored in the last two games, if they are counting by fives. Being a life time hawkeye fan and a 10 year season ticket holder I can say that Hawk fandom is a way of life. The only way of life Minnesooootans have is scooping snow, blowing stupid horns, and praying for the reincarnation of the “glory days” – whenever those were.
Normally I root for the big ten but I hope the Cyclowns poop on their chest.
If we're hypersensitive does that make Goophers apathetic?
I guess its easy to be cynical when your team blows…
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Dec 21, 2009 1:10 PM EST reply actions
I'm hypersensitive, fershur.
Even artistic, maybe. I love Minneapolis. It’s a great place for enjoying theatre, art, tall lanky nordic females, and somewhat relaxed social mores. (And it’s only six mind-numbing hours by car!) Then, after a couple of days of being sensitive, we kick the shit out of Minnesota and drive back down I-35 to god’s chosen plain.
You’re probably right about our being hypersensitive, but you have to admit, we do irony better than most. Rule #1 about Iowans: we don’t do “ha-ha” funny so well, but we do take wry, with our Templeton Rye.
So that Minnesota dude could have brought a little irony to his contribution, given how poorly they compete.
I can’t wait for Brian Cook’s assessment. Great series.
Mr. Boh Knows ...
For what it's worth,
every item in this story except for the “Who hates Iowa?” chant thing were already mentioned first by Iowa fans in the “Getting To Know the Hawkeyes’ Traditions” thread on FTRS last week.
Yes, we’re hypersensitive, but we can also laugh at ourselves. Better yet, we’d prefer to laugh at YOU, though.
"Oh no, don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad." - The Waco Kid
These are all great things
As an Iowa fan I am proud of every single thing this story had to say. It made me tear up and pop a chub. GT, hide the women folk in Miami. Peace I’m outta here.
by ChryslerKinnick on Dec 21, 2009 2:53 PM EST reply actions
Good luck with that
We have no women.
by Joe Hamilton's Chauffeur on Dec 21, 2009 3:33 PM EST up reply actions
Wow
Not a good ratio, guess I’ll have to sniff around somewhere else
by ChryslerKinnick on Dec 21, 2009 5:18 PM EST up reply actions
"Who Hates Iowa" Cheer
Seems exactly like our “What’s the Good Word” Cheer
“What’s the Good Word?”
“To Hell with Georgia” (repeat 2 more times)
“How ’Bout them dawgs?!”
“Piss on Em”
The college football season is so fragile. It's like a glass ball being pushed around from stadium to stadium by a rhinoceros.
by Winfield Featherston on Dec 21, 2009 2:58 PM EST reply actions
The equivelent article
from BHGP would be an interview of a Georgia fan talking about G. Tech………
The dude is clearly jealous, and likes fucking polar bears.
PINK?
I think the average 22 year old College Football player would think about ONE thing when they see PINK. Especially if they run for 100 yards or pound the opposing QB so hard a SNOT bubble appears behind the face mask.
PINK-Please!
Try Puce, Salmon, Dusky Mauve, or Purple.
by DressHerInWhiteAndGold on Dec 21, 2009 7:10 PM EST reply actions
I didn't know my coments would be copied and pasted
what you say here can, and will, be used against you
RE:I didn't know my coments would be copied and pasted
Neither did Punky, but at least he gets paid for being stupid…..

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